| | Scared of falling back down...
Hi everyone, I have not been on these boards for a quite a while, not that I don't want to be supportive but sometimes there are things that can trigger my anorexic thoughts. I have been a recovered anorexic for over a year, and I've felt so much better about myself. I realized how bad I looked before, and now when people tell me that I look so much healthier I don't go crazy (although it still bothers me a bit), I don't think I will ever be able to eat like normal people, but I have been doing so well lately. The problem is that recently my over 4 year relationship with my boyfriend ended, and although I have come to accept it, and I know that it's what's best for me and I am the one that doesn't want to go back, I feel so guilty because during the worst of my anorexia he helped me soooo much. At this moment I've noticed that I've reduced my food intake and it has been totally unconciously, I mean the thought of loosing weight has not entered my mind, but in this last week I've dropped a little over 2 pounds, and the thing is that it's not that I don't eat because I don't want to get fat, I don't eat because everytime I'm about to the thought of eating makes me nauseous and everything tastes bad. Analizing all this I've come to believe that all my inner problems are expressing themselves in this way, and I'm scared, I'm scared of going back to the hell that I was living while I was in the worst throes of anorexia. I hadn't thought much about it, and no one has expressed their thoughts out loud, but today at lunch I pushed my plate away and was about to get up, and my cousin just looks at me and says to me come on you have to eat you can't start that again, and then I realized what I had been doing these past few weeks. And the thing is that I think I'm doing fine, I don't feel like I'm suffering all that much because of my breakup because I know it's what's best for me, so I was just wondering do you think I'm like acting my most inner unconcious feelings?? Am I making a big deal out of nothing??? Or do you think these are some warning signs??
Please help me out guys, and I hope everyone is doing much better and from personal experience let me tell you that you can beat this ed, it takes hard work and determination, and you do get scared about some issues, but I've been well and eating practically normal for over a year and I know everyone else here can do it too, don't be afraid or embarrased to ask for help, I would have never gotten thru it alone, and let your family and friends help you believe they want what's best for you, and only people outside the bubble can truely see the damage that we are doing to ourselves.
So be brave people and stand up tall and beat this ED!!!!