Angellove3

hi to anyone who'll listen,

I know how my bulimia came about and it is partly from an ex-boyfriend of mine. Well here is what happens:

I met him on November 3, 2000 at Staples. We both worked there.(I also worked at Pizza Hut too) I was head of customer service and he was head of the electronic department. Our departments were side by side which was nice because we helped each other all the time. We dated for six months. From December to May. My longest and most serious relationship. We quit our job in April..mainly because I got a promotion at Pizza Hut to managment and my ex got a job at Cingular Wireless.
Before, during, and after...even now, he has been living with his ex-girlfriend. I gave him the benefit of the douht that nothing was going on because he is not that kind of person. During the six months..he broke up with me about three times..but I took him back. I loved him and there is a side of me that still love him. He was my all. I did so much for him because I loved him so much. But we had a terrible break up and we didn't talk for four months. During though four months..all I did was sleep and I couldn't eat. When i did eat...I stuffed myself and got ride of it. I worked at Pizza Hut about 50-80 hours a week, just to get my mind off of him. He called me for the first time in August. I was very nervous, but we became best friends...but I was still blinded by my love for him that I didn't see how controlling he was and how manipulative he was. I didn't see it till I told him that I was bulimic. You know what he said, "What are you retarded! Just eat..it is not that hard! Don't be stupid and eat!!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I cryed so hard that whole month. I cryed at least every day. It was so bad.
The end of this past month, we got into a big fight on the phone because I couldn't take off work to see him in New York, when I live in Cincinnati, Oh.(I moved there a little of a year ago) I didn't call for two days to let him cool down. The day I called him, I was having a really rough morning and needed to talk to someone so I called him. Here is how the conversation went:

ME: HI!
EX: Hi(upset tone)
ME: How are you doing?
EX: I guess you didn't get my email.
ME: No?
EX: I DON'T EVER WANT TO TALK OR SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!
ME: Oh (almost in tears)
EX: BYE
ME: bye (tears coming)

Then he calls me out of the blue on June 4. I barely talked to him. I asked him why he was calling me and he said that he wasn't mad at me anymore and he wanted to be friends again. I have no idea what kind of sick game he is playing. But I have to stay in touch with him till he pays back all the money he owes me. He owes me about $800. Ya..I am so dumb..but I really want to help him out and he said that he would pay me back.

Sorry so long...i saw him today because he gave me some of hte payment but one side of me hates his guts and the other stills loves him. I was doing so well with eating today till I saw him. I went home and ate my heart out. I am so upset with myself....why do I let him get to me like that...I HATE THIS ...WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL.........AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....WHY!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you for listening..sorry so long
xoxox
liana rose