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Originally Posted by sunnygal19 This is sort of a rant and sort of a plea for insight. I don't really know if this is the right place for it or not, so I apologize if I should have posted it somewhere else.
I recently came home from college for the summer and landed in the middle of my mother's dieting nightmare. She's been about 100 lbs overweight for at least a few decades, but as far as I know it never really bothered her. Recently (while I was away at school) decided to start dieting and exercising to lose the weight.
The thing is, she can't seem to stick to her diet for more than a few days without binging on junk food, after which she feels terrible and gets really upset. I just can't understand it, and it's really hard for me to relate to her right now because her diet problems are currently such a big part of her life. It's like she can't resist eating, even though she doesn't want to. If she doesn't want to eat and knows that she'll be upset afterwards, why doesn't she just not eat? I can't understand why she wants the food so much. I mean, eating tasty food is fun and all, but it's not much more enjoyable than lots of other things that someone can do. So why can't she just not do it? I've never had a weight problem and food's never really been a big part of my life. I actually forget to eat sometimes if I'm occupied with something, and I won't realize it until much later when I start to get really hungry. So I just can't understand why my mom wants to eat so badly, especially when she always gets so upset with herself afterwards. Food isn't that enjoyable. So what's going on? Is it possible for someone to be psychologically addicted to junk food? It seems like that's how she's acting. She actually cries sometimes after binging. It's really freaking me out, because she's always been a very happy person. |
Hi sunnygal -
Oh, boy....I can give you ALL the insight you want. I am your mom...no, not your REAL mom...but I am HER. It is the wonderful daughter that loves her mom enough to want to gain insight and to try to understand. The problem is........is that it's not easily understood - even by us, the middle aged and severely obese!!!
It's an eating disorder, just like any of the others: binge, b/p, anorexia, and/or bulemia. That you know of, doea your mom have any health problems, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, or anything else? Because unless she does, it may be very hard for you to get her to see a Dr. right now. I am the same way - going to the Dr. means being weighed and that is more embarrassment and humiliation than anyone - unless they, too, are very obese - can possibly understand. Sure, she needs to lose weight, yes, she needs a weight loss plan...but when you have an ed, KNOWING you should do that, and actually DOING it, are 2 entirely different things.
Yes, there is such a thing as food addiction - you are reading the post from an "addict" right now. How to explain the love and NEED for food, and foods we have no business eating (except in MAJOR moderation, that is) They say that a compulsive overeater (and that is the name of our ed, BTW) eats for many different reasons other than because they're really hungry. They can be for many of the same reasons that an alcoholic drinks - sadness, lonliness, fears, anxieties, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness...the list is endless. And they choose food because, well, they like food to begin with. We don't have the mindset that food is only for nourishment, only when your hungry - we do not possess a "take it or leave it" attitude, the same way as the alcoholic feels about alcohol. In our case, it is a must have....and OHHH, if only we could "forget to eat"!!!!!!
So, the first thing you need to understand is that your mom is miserable - she wants soooooo much to be slim, but she can't control the urge to eat. "It's like she can't resist eating, even tho she doesn't want to." Soooooooo true for us compulsive overeaters!! I know it's hard to understand...it's even hard for us to understand!!! That's why it's a "disorder" - it's "disordered" thoughts about eating and food in general.
I know how hard it is on you to see your mom like this and suffering so. There is perhaps one glimmer of hope, tho - a support group that is all over the US, called "Overeaters Anonymous". I still haven't found the courage to go..but maybe you can talk to your mom about it sometime. But please be careful how you approach this as her weight, eating, etc., is probably a very touchy subject with her. I couldn't get a sense from your post as to how much you talk to your mom about her weight, etc., but if you and she can discuss it, that's great. Tell her you heard about this from a friend, or whatever. I might first recommend you do some research on the net about it, and also "compulsive overeating" so you will have a better understanding of it all. For now, maybe YOU can sort of be HER mom - you know, offer to listen, give as much understanding and support as you can, and above all, PLEASE be careful what you say. If she's anything like me, this is a very upsetting subject, it's embarrassing, it's frustrating with a capital F. I can already feel her pain. The tears I have shed......well, anyway....I hope this helps a bit. I would be VERY happy to answer any questions you might have and, in general, help in any way I can. You are a VERY good daughter.
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