New here, seeking therapy
Hey guys. I am new to the boards. So hello! I have been visiting here for a while just to look around and everyone seems to have good advice and are very helpful. I am really not sure if I actually have an eating disorder. I know I have OCD and these two disorders are often times linked. At the current time, my obession is food. I have been trying to get better on my own...and on certain days it seems to work. Ill start exercising and feel good about myself and then eat healthy meals and everything is great! (If I ever go over about 13,000 calories in a day though I feel REALLY GUILTY and I get depressed) But then If I weigh myself and I have gained anything I freak out and restrict myself to under 1,000 calories untill I am back down to my "goal weight". I am a 21 year old female and I am 5 feet tall. Back in june I weighed around 103 and I got down to 91 pounds by August by not eating over 800 cals a day. I have started to try to eat more....last time I weighed myself (about a week ago) I was 93 pounds. Its a day by day thing....one day I restrict the next day I try not to but I ALWAYS keep track of how many calories Ive eaten. To sum it up.....I just know that I have disorderd thoughts about eating. Today has been good- I had half an apple and an english muffin for breakfast- a chicken breast and brocolli for lunch....yogurt covered rasins....and right now as I type Im snacking on granola. I definately like to eat HEALTHY foods when I do eat. I'm just so confused! I know that I need therapy for OCD and possibly this but I cant afford it right now. Do any of you guys know where I can get free counceling---a church? A free clinic? I thought about going to my school councelors but I am kinda iffy about it. If anyone had any advice Id reallly appreciate it. Thank you for hearing me out!