Originally Posted by dinobites
I'm coming to the realization that I have a real problem. I've had eating issues all my life. My mom was bulimic and passed down her messed up views to me. In the past I've gone through different cycles, but never had help. As a kid I'd binge (but not purge or anything). At one point I rarely ate at all for about a year. That later turned into eating small portions, then restricting and excercising like crazy. Later I'd binge and restrict.
Now, after having a child and quitting smoking I've gained 100 lbs. I am depressed (have been all my life). I'm getting counseling and am on prozac now. Since starting the counseling I feel way worse, like I'm ripping a scab off an old wound. I had a crappy childhood and it's hard to talk about those things. When I'm depressed I compulsively overeat. It's not extreme, like eating a whole loaf of bread and gallon of icecream, but it's not good. I feel like I'm trying to fill a hole in my soul, but ofcouse it doesn't work. I used to smoke and do drugs, but after becoming a parent I've stopped all that. I feel like I've traded one addiction for another.
I am going to talk to my counselor about all this at my next session (a month away). I really want to get to a place where I can eat like a normal person. I want to find a way to make myself feel better without using food (or something else). It doesn't work anyway, I feel a million times crappier when I'm so full I want to puke. I don't want to pass down my food issues to my daughter like my mom did to me. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life.
I wish compulsive overeating were looked at with the same seriousness that anorexia and bulimia are. I mean, some insurance or clinics don't even treat compulsive overeating. I feel like there's no help out there, people just look at me like I'm another lazy, fat person who should eat right and excercize. They don't understand that it's not that easy. I have a problem I can't control.
Mostly I wanted you to know that you are NOT alone...I am standing right here next to you with many of the same feelings and problems. Yep, I,too, am a compulsive overeater. Not too many of here on this Board...never really have been, actually. I have always felt that overeaters are mostly misunderstood as we don't fit into the more common eds of anorexia and bulimia. But, ours are quite problematic, nonetheless.
Like you, I'm obese, have had eating issues all my life, and my ed was firmly rooted in childhood. Like you, I'm an emotional eater, anything from stress, fear, anxiety, anger...heck, even when I'm happy. Like you, I have been the therapy route and it didn't do me a bit of good, and also, made me feel worse. After all, my childhood can't be changed...and, I can't discuss anything with my mother because she's been gone a long time. I have felt that I have no way to resolve any of my issues so therapy isn't going to be any miraculous panacea for me. And it wasn't!
Like you, I have a problem I can't control, and that must be as depressing for you as it is for me. In fact, I am clinically depressed and suffer GAD (generalized anxiety disdorder) as well. I'm on a cocktail of Ativan, Lexapro, and Doxepin. While I'm better, I'm still not where I would like to be emotionally. Maybe if I were better, I wouldn't have to rely on food for all my soul-soothing. Just don't know.
At any rate, there's something I would like to share with you, in case you haven't already heard of it. Hypnotherapy. Normally this isn't something covered on my HMO, either. It had been mentioned by my therapist as the next possibility...the day I quit therapy with her. I talked to my Dr about it, and I asked my HMO, and it turns out, that if my Dr. recommended it, the recommendation would be submitted to the HMO and it's likely it would be approved. However, and not to bore you with the details, but it's been one thing right after another the past few months, but I intend to pursue this after the first of the year. I've gone this long, so, may as well have on last hurrah with the upcoming Holidays.
Anyway, I have heard that it helps people with a bunch of things, most popular being eating disorders and smoking...and I am a smoker.
I hope it's something you will consider, too, and find out more about. There are no guarantees, I suppose, but, I'm at the point where I am so desperate that I feel I have nothing to lose...except the weight, that is. LOL