is it wrong??? - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

wild_thang_386 · 12-07-2004, 06:22 AM

is it wrong to feel good when ur losing weight??? i would say in june i was under 110lbs, size 3, and i was happy, so proud of myself. but i hated when ppl came up to me telling me that they were worried about me and that i should eat something and gain some weight. i felted it wasnt their problem, not their body, but mine. for onced, i felt good about myself. i was how i always wanted to be, but at the same time it still wasnt enough. i think i was proud to have an ED, (thats the only problem i think i had). i believe ive been suffereing from ED since i was a lil girl. cuz when i was 4 or 5 yrs old, i told my mom & sis that i didnt want to ever be fat like them, (my whole family is overweight). thats pretty cruel, i cant even see myself saying that, (dont know what was going through my head at the time). but lately ive gained alot of weight (cuz i was having some problems w my bf), and i feel bad, i want to go back on my diet, but i cant because i want to eat so much, i got use to eating again. food has always been my comfort especially when im depress or lonely. i just cant stand that im either not eating enough or eating too much.
i dont even know y im posting this, maybe just to let it out. im sorry u guys had to read this.

pgirl · 12-07-2004, 07:34 AM

Dont be sorry we had to read it! thats what this board is for. I know how you feel though about either eating too much or not at all. when i was fully immersed in my ED i was eating next to nothing, and i would love giogn to the store and being able to ask for a size zero. It was so empowering. But at the same time, i had all the people i care about asking me a million questions about why i was so skinny and how they we were worried. I was also very defensive at first, but when i think about it now, they were only trying to help me b/c an ED is very damaging to your body.

Anyways, i am 'recovered' now, i say it that way b/c although im at a healthy weight i have a problem controling food, just like you. Some days i eat very little, and other days are full on binges. Its hard to control it when food has been your obsession for soo long. I guess overcoming that will only happen if we change the way we look at food, not just our body. Food is fuel and needed for us to live. There are healthy foods that wont make us fat. I know that sounds crazy, b ut thats what I try to tell myself when its time to eat. Overcoming and ED is a reallly hard thing, but you sound like you arent quite ready yet. Just be careful, its negative consequences surpass the positive of feelings of weightloss by about a million times. Good luck, and keep posting.