Feeling stuck - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Red1984 · 12-17-2004, 12:06 AM

Hey guys, I guess I just need to know that I'm not the only one who feels like I do. I read all of your posts and can really identify with so many of you. It's like I'm in this rut, and I just cannot climb out. This stupid cycle of eating and hating myself and then starving myself and working out until I'm exhausted...it never ends. I can't imagine there being an end to this way of life that I've somehow created for myself. I almost dread the future because I don't want to be this person anymore. I'm only 20 years old, in college, and I hate the fact that the future looks so bad for me because of an eating disorder. I'm so scared to talk to my family..I guess I think they won't believe me or will just think I'm blowing this out of proportion. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I can't eat anything at all, because if I eat even a cereal bar for breakfast, I feel like I'm bloated and look like I'm pregnant. Does this happen to anyone else or is it just me? I've always been so self-conscious about the way I look, and this eating disorder has just magnified those feelings. I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks to all of you who post on this board because it really gives me hope to know that I'm not alone in dealing with an eating disorder.

twentysomething · 12-17-2004, 09:09 AM

Red1984,

I just joined this chat room last night. In one respect, I am truly sad that others are going through the struggles I endure on a daily basis, but on the flip side, there is some sort of comfort knowing I am not alone--and I have been feeling soooo alone lately. I know what you mean about having a complex about eating just one cereal bar. My problem is, I eat just the one, and then I don't stop eating even though it bothers me so much! And so the vicious cycle goes on. I told my family about my eating disorder about a month ago, and although they are very supportive and feel really bad (partly because my food issues started in childhood), it's just a very uncomfortable situation. I find that whenever my mom tries her best to talk about the issue (bless her, she's really an angel), I just end up getting really upset and defensive. I don't know why I do that. I guess I just don't want to openly talk about my issues until I'm ready. In finding this board, I find that I can vent and it's okay, because there are people who can relate. So use this board for support. We are all hear, we can all RELATE, and none of us judge! Good luck with the day...

novblis · 12-17-2004, 09:26 AM

Red1984,
I agree with twenty something....these boards are a great support system. It's hard knowing that so many suffer from eating disorders but encourageing to know that we are all here and can relate to someone.

I know what you mean about the cycles. It seems like those cycles DON'T ever end. All of our cycles are different, but I enjoy reading and relating to so many others who deal with the same complexities I do. Yesturday was a really bad day for me, and now today I am scared of eating anything because I am afraid I wont be able to stop eating. I know how you feel about eating just one thing(wether it be one cereal bar or anything else). It's a scary thing, and it's sad to say that food is what alot of us here are afraid of. We are all here to support one another. And I know that deep down we want to get better-even if our EDs tell us otherwise.
Take care,
Novblis

bbybyrd · 12-17-2004, 10:03 PM

twenty...I'm the same with my family. I simply don't want to talk about it with them. I think it's because I know that they really have no idea what I'm going through. I mean, I even get jealous when I see other people eating because they have enough self-control to stop themselves. And of course, that jealousy just makes me want to eat more so there's the start of the cycle again. It's never ending. And with the eating of a cereal bar and feeling guilty...I get that too. I've actually purged before after eating one pretzel...I mean how disgusting is that.

ummm · 12-22-2004, 05:15 AM

Hey
I agree with all of you. I'm new to this site and i thought i was the only one who felt this way, does this to themselves or goes through the struggle that i do each day. to eat or not to eat, throw it up ir not? Im only just about to turn 18 in about a month, i couldn't even say when i began to have thoughts like this, mayb when i was 15? it sucks that you have to feel that something like this controls your life. Next year i move out of home to a different town to go to univercity and i don't see how i can go with this. I just got accepted to P.E school today and i don't know if thats a good thing or not for what im going through at the moment. This should be one of the happiest times out of about 500 people me and only about 200 got onto the list but instead i think about image and food. I don't know who to tell either, i have family and close friends but to actually say it? I don't like what i see, i want to change it then get help and i know thats bad but i can't help it. Wow iv never told anyone this i needed to, thanks it probably bored you to tears lol
If you have any advicde most appreciated
Thanks