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Old 01-20-2005, 05:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 35
meli95 HB User
Unhappy I really need help

Hey everyone,

I haven't posted anything in a really really long time. I have been struggling with bulimia for almost two years now. I was at my best a few weeks ago. I hadn't thrown up in a month. I was doing so well. I was at home for most of the time because it was Christmas break. You would think that I would have thrown up during the holidays because of all the food. I'm Latina so food is a huge huge part of the holidays. I ate moderately and didn't throw up. But then, on the day that I had to go back up to school, I had thrown up. I guess I was just stressed out about starting a new semester. I threw up again today. I have been really stressed out lately. My classes, especially Physics, seem really difficult. My dad just lost his job so money is really tight and they are having trouble paying for me and my sister, so that has been adding to my stress. I am a junior now, well technically a senior by credits; anyways, since I am pre med, deciding what to do about medical school has been really tough. I feel like I am so behind because I had to drop Biochem last semester, i know that the ED had some part in that. I know that I am not behind but I find myself comparing myself with my roommates who are ahead of me. I have a really good GPA and am on the right track for med school but I am still so worried. I find that I am not doing enough to get in. Lately, I have been turning a lot to food for comfort. I binge and then I purge. I am also extremely lonely. I never seem to attract the right guy. I always attract the players that only want one thing, which they aren't going to get from me because I am a virgin. Although I am still a virgin, my family thinks that I am not because they say I dress too provacative. I feel that I dress like any normal 20yr old. Anyways, back to the opposite sex, I feel that I do so much better with my ED when I am interested in someone or when there is a guy in my life. Sadly to say, I noticed that I started my eating disorder two summers ago when this guy who I had something with had broken my heart. Sadly, I still have feelings for him even though I am dating other guys. We are still friends and all but he doesn't really know how I feel. Anyways, I don't know where things go wrong everytime I start dating someone. Things seem to go well and then somehow the guy just stops calling me out of nowhere. Anyways, I know I am rambling but I just had to let it all out. I have issues with guys....People say that I have ugly duckling syndrome. I was a bit awkward in high school and then I came to college and had a complete makeover. A lot of guys find me attractive, but apparently I seem to attract all the players. I hate it, I just want to meet a nice guy. Anyways, back to my ED. I am thinking of getting some help back home during the summer. I am not allowed to take the semester off because of my major. I find it really hard to study and concentrate though. I am a complete mess and I cannot wait til summer comes so that I can dedicate it to getting better. A lot of people tell me that I should worry about my health over anything else, and I know that. But I have a lot of plans that I just can't break. I am a complete mess, I really need some advice on what I should do. Sorry for making such a long post and getting so personal.

Melissa

 
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Old 01-20-2005, 06:05 PM   #2
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(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: SK, Canada
Posts: 1,232
SammyT HB User
Re: I really need help

Melissa,

i have been bulimic for 2 years aswell. and it bytes the bug one! i went from puking, to starving, to binging and pruging, then puking, and omg its a nasty cycle. im not sure how mine started,..considering i am still young and in highschool...we never really had ne family problems. i was always fat. i was a chubby little girl. all the other girls were skinny and pretty and i always envied them..so i starved and puked to make me sickly thin. i know u have a lot of school to do, but i would really see a counsilor...i am. and i only see her once a month, so i am sure it wont get in the way of things

I hope u get better

Sammy

 
Old 01-20-2005, 08:13 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 957
americandancer HB User
Re: I really need help

Meli95, as a mother of a daughter I just found out was bingeing and purging, please help me. Do you think you do this out of stress? You seem to be under a lot of stress, but do you have anyone to talk to about this? I need some input in how to approach my daughter. Maybe you can help me stop this cycle at least in my daughter.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 08:45 PM   #4
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 35
meli95 HB User
Re: I really need help

Americandancer,

Stress is a huge trigger for my binge and purge cycles. I am not saying that before I had an eating disorder that I had no problems with stress but there was something that triggered the binging and purging other than stress. I had extremely low self esteem when I started. I really started feeling like I was just not good enough for anyone at the time. Like I said in my post, I had just been heart broken and was just feeling completely inadequate. I felt that there had to be something wrong with me since I've never had a boyfriend and I've never really gotten much attention from guys until him. He was the first guy that payed attention to me and when he stopped paying attention to me in that way, although we still are friends, I just felt that it was because I just wasn't good enough. I started dieting and thought that maybe if i loss some more weight, although I was not overweight at all, that things would change. I began obsessing over food and counting calories and such. Although, I had started with the whole calorie counting since I was like 14 because I was a bit overweight in middle school. I lost all the weight by the time I was like 16, but still obsessed over food. I always had low self esteem and felt inadequate, ugly duckling syndrome, and I guess this guy was just the last drop that made my cup spill over and I fell into an ED. I began to revolve all my emotions around food. I still have yet to have a boyfriend and I am very stressed out about what I should do with my life career wise, but I have come to learn that I must first learn to love myself before I am ready to get into any form of relationship. I need to discover who I really am and what I really want to do with my life rather then just accepting what everyone wants me to be. That's what I am trying to work on right now. It's not easy. You just need to be there for your daughter and get her help A.S.A.P. My parents know that I have an ED, but they treat it like some kind of taboo topic. They need to accept that I have a problem. Sometimes my mom or dad would get mad at me for doing it, but it's not my fault. It's a disease that just takes over your life that you have no control over. Please, try not to be upset at her about it. It hurst me everytime they get upset at me, so I just don't talk about it with them. I don't agree with the way they are handling things. Pretty much my friends are the one's that are advising me and watching over me since I live with them. You just need to be there for your daughter and listen to her and try to see what is causing her to do this. You have to take a therapeutic approach when speaking to her and try to understand her. I hope this helps.

Melissa

 
Old 01-20-2005, 08:50 PM   #5
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 35
meli95 HB User
Smile Re: I really need help

SammT,

Thanks for the reply. I hope you get better as well. And, yeah, I know that I need to get help A.S.A.P. My health should come before anything.

Thanks again,
Melissa

 
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