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nrnguy · 06-04-2005, 03:22 AM

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the boards, and have been lurking around for a while trying to get the guts to ask for some help. I'm not exactly sure what type of eating disorder this is. Over the past few years, my life has been one for the Jerry Springer show

My wife suffered from extreme post-partem depression after our son was born, and my boss took advantage of the situation by initiating an affair with her (nice guy, huh?). The result was that she was going to leave (to find 'happiness'), and she became pregnant!! She is much better now (we're still together and the other guy is in another state), but I'm still not quite the same.

For some reason, I TRY to destroy myself by eating bad food and sneaking food all the time. I've gained so much weight since this happened, and I just don't know where to begin. I'm not eating because I'm hungry - just really trying to destroy myself with food. In fact, I often don't even taste the food as I'm eating it. Can anyone recommend a way to get some kind of handle on this? It's making me feel horrible and I want to stop, yet I don't (if you know what I mean). I don't binge or purge, just keep getting bigger (6'5 and 240 pounds - used to be about 205).

Thank you so much in advance for the help.

tired and angry · 06-04-2005, 04:55 AM

Hey,

Welcome to the boards. Im sorry uv had such a hard time recently. Im not an expert on this and im bulimic so the problem is different but the causes and what drives you to keep eating in this way are probably the same sort of things as somebody with bulimia or binge eating disorder. You have clearly already gone a long way to identifying root of the eating problem and thats where u should start.

Maybe you should see a counsellor. I have just started counselling and my counsellor is helping me get to the root of the problem first. Then you can start to find other ways of coping with problems that come up, alternatives to overeating. The eating problem probably will not disappear until you have sorted the causes and triggers out. Talking about them might really help you to put the whole thing behind u.

Have u spoken to ur wife about this?? She has obviously had a difficult time too and perhaps there is a bit of a communication problem as in u havnt fully discussed what happened in order to move on and so u are eating to compensate.

Like i said, Im no expert but u cant sort this out alone. Talk to a professional. Believe me I know its terrifying and takes a lot of guts but nobody could b more scared than i was and im so glad i went to my doctor and counsellor. It can b lonely dealing with an eating problem even if ur surrounded by people unless u talk to them and ask for help. A professional will take u seriously. They know these days that eating problems come in many different forms not just bulimia, anorexia and binge eating disorder. If its effecting ur life this much then u deserve help.

Hope this helps!

Suzanne

tired and angry · 06-04-2005, 05:02 AM

Oh one more thing. Have you heard of EDNOS (eating disorder ot otherwise specified (i think))? This is probably what u have so maybe u could research this. Also, a really good book that could help as iot covers all kinds of eating disorder is Overcoming binge eating by Dr Fairburn. U dont need to binge to need this book. its for anybosy who has lost control over eating and there is a self help section at the back. I still think the best thing is to go to ur doctor. Theyve seen this all a thousand times. I thought a lot of my behaviour was just wierd n nobady else was the same but actually it turns out its all quite common!! I wrote everything down n gave it to my doctor so i didnt have to speak and remember everything.

tired and angry · 06-05-2005, 04:34 AM

Hey!

Me again! lol. You could also try n do what im tryin to do at the moment- eat at certain times of the day rather than just randomly. It is quite hard but its the first step to sorting out some kind of routine. I am supposed to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks so ur never too hungry or full and it gives my day more structure.

nrnguy · 06-05-2005, 05:16 AM

Hi Suzanne,

Thank you so much for all the great information. You are a wonderful person for doing what you can to help others, and I wish you all the luck in the world in battling your disorder.

I know what you mean, I definitely can't do it alone. I have tried to stop (well sort-of at least), but eating has become my friend and I just can't seem to stop. I can always rely on it, whereas I can't rely on much else. When I'm in a good mood, I do just fine, but when I start dwelling on the past - I start to go downhill again. Believe it or not, I'll start to panic earlier in the day if I realize I can't go out and get some food to binge on. I stop and get fast food on my way home, throw out the wrappers at the gas station, and then go home and pretend I'm hungry for supper.

( - removed - please follow the rules for posting websites - )

I know that I no longer feel in control of my life. I keep thinking it will either happen again or it's doomed. I worked so hard to help my wife through it, and everyone said how strong I was - but now I'm the one who is weak and needs help. She is doing so well now, but I'm kind of lost and sad. I guess I got so wrapped up in assuming what the future would be like, and then the hurricane came

My wife keeps telling me that I should talk to someone, so I now know that I must do that. I think you're also right about the communication thing. I used to feel so free to talk to her about everything, but after this all happened, I hold back for fear of getting too close again. Weird how your mind works, isn't it?

Thanks so much for the book reference and all the help Suzanne. I really do want to get back to being happy and not so afraid of the unknown and isolated, and you've helped me realize that I do need help. You're the best!!!! I was very afraid to even post the message because I felt weak, but now I know that it was a strong thing to do.

Thanks again

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