Thank you so much for all the great information. You are a wonderful person for doing what you can to help others, and I wish you all the luck in the world in battling your disorder.
I know what you mean, I definitely can't do it alone. I have tried to stop (well sort-of at least), but eating has become my friend and I just can't seem to stop. I can always rely on it, whereas I can't rely on much else. When I'm in a good mood, I do just fine, but when I start dwelling on the past - I start to go downhill again. Believe it or not, I'll start to panic earlier in the day if I realize I can't go out and get some food to binge on. I stop and get fast food on my way home, throw out the wrappers at the gas station, and then go home and pretend I'm hungry for supper.
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I know that I no longer feel in control of my life. I keep thinking it will either happen again or it's doomed. I worked so hard to help my wife through it, and everyone said how strong I was - but now I'm the one who is weak and needs help. She is doing so well now, but I'm kind of lost and sad. I guess I got so wrapped up in assuming what the future would be like, and then the hurricane came
My wife keeps telling me that I should talk to someone, so I now know that I must do that. I think you're also right about the communication thing. I used to feel so free to talk to her about everything, but after this all happened, I hold back for fear of getting too close again. Weird how your mind works, isn't it?
Thanks so much for the book reference and all the help Suzanne. I really do want to get back to being happy and not so afraid of the unknown and isolated, and you've helped me realize that I do need help. You're the best!!!! I was very afraid to even post the message because I felt weak, but now I know that it was a strong thing to do.