craaaaaaaaap - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Anterrabae · 07-14-2005, 07:47 AM

Ugh, I'm having such a bad time these past few weeks. I've eaten more and put some more weigh on, about 3 lbs, and I HATE IT. I feel so fat, I'm just revolted by the sight of myself in the mirror. All hips and thighs and stomach covered in fat, jiggling this way and that. My body is so disgusting. And I went to the support group meeting last night and I felt like such a jerk sitting there because these girls *really* have eating disorders. I can eat and I can gain weight.. I'm just the big fat fraud in that group. And I can't cry because I take Effexor and haven't been able to cry in over two months.. and I'm not getting restful sleep because the drug gives me vivid, messed up dreams. I'm just so miserable today. I want to go back to bed!!

jade112 · 07-14-2005, 11:20 AM

Oh Anterrabae I am so sorry to hear you are having such a $hitty day!!!
Hang in there huh things will get better, I promise. Congrats on still going to the support group meetings! That is awesome I wish I was that brave!!

I hope things are going a little brighter than this morning for you, I am here if you need to chat.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
-Jade

zeroprophecy9 · 07-14-2005, 02:35 PM

I hate to hear that you are having such a hard time but keep hope; things will pass and it WILL get easier. Just because you eat and can gain weight doesn't mean you are still not suffering from an eating disorder. Never compare your own issues to the severity or lack of wiht others who suffer. We all have different circumstances that fuel our obsessions. I am sorry you can't cry. I hated effexor when I was on it. It made me an insomniac. Hang in there, you can do this and the feeling will pass.

Morgan

girlygirl11 · 07-14-2005, 02:41 PM

3 lbs , while may seem more like 30 lbs, is really nothing at all. People can lose or gain up to 5 lbs in a DAY based on what they drink or eat, retain or excrete. You have to realize that scales aren't the most reliable instruments on earth, which makes it all the more frustrating. Think honestly- would you 'see' fat all over you if you had lost 3 lbs according to the scale? It is such a tiny, small amount that it would make little to NO difference physically, no matter what you think! Try not to worry about it, and try to eat properly and get rest when you can..you are on the right track just keep it goign!

liza2 · 07-14-2005, 05:45 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I have been gaining weight too and although i know i need it, i hate it! There are so many little things around me all the time that are sooo triggering and makes me HATE those few extra pounds. I also feel like once i start gaining weight i wont be able to stop. I looked at pictures of me before i lost all this weight and theres no way i want to get back to that weight. Hang in there hun, your not alone!
liza