can u give a lil advice - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

cryingskies · 10-03-2005, 08:22 PM

I have finally allowed myself to fall for someone, and become close to them. I will actually use the term boyfriend and i hate to and hate to have one, but for some reason this guy just stole my heart. I feel like im so stuck tho. i want to work on this and i want to get through it, and its the first time ever that I can say that, and I can confidently say I'm doing really well, everyone tells me that i'm looking so much more healthy and that I dont look so sick. My boyfriend had said something about my being so skinny and I told him I used to be a lot bigger but he didnt believe me so I dug out this pic of me to show him and he was like eww thats nasty, and u look wonderful now and i dont want u to change and i love seeing u the way u are. And it makes me feel horrible because I'm trying to fix this, and although he doesnt kjnow about my anorexia he is encouraging it. I dont want to tell him, because i have endometriosis and I tried too explain it to him one day when it was really acting up and i w as hurting and he ignored every word after he asked me about it and now he will say stupid **** like today I just feel sick and he will ask me if its because of my endo. And I'll tell him no the only thing it does is make my stomach hurt relly bad, and then he'll be like well ur sick because of that endo whatever thats wrong with ur stomach.......he doesnt listen to me, or really pay attention to me so it makes it so hard for me to sit and talk to him about my anorexia, and i need to because ive lost a lot of guuys over it because they cant handle watching me nd my problems and they cant deal with it, and im afraid of it happening again if i cant tell him soon......any advice?

Jonistyle2 · 10-04-2005, 06:00 AM

i think you've gotta tell him. tell him everything. (i'm sorry you're having such a hard time and i'm sending you HUGE cyber hugs and back rubs, by the way.) i know you don't want to tell him and you're worried that he won't understand, but think about it this way: if he refuses to acknowledge/try to understand that you have an ED, do you really want to be with him? i know that seems like the typical question and there's a thousand "yes, but..."'s, but seriously. if you truly love him and see a future with him, then (like it or not) your ED is going to be a part of it. if he doesn't know, then how can he love the girl you truly are? plus, think about it this way: how much would it suck to lose him because you were too afraid to tell? if you tell and he runs away, then at least its him who's the baby, not you. but if you don't tell, then you'll never be able to fully build a relationship with him. so just do it. you never know what'll happen, but it is something you need to do. plus, it could turn out great, keep in mind. my boyfriend and i have become MUCH closer since i told him everything and he's with me every step of the way. plus, i know that he'll still love me even if i gain 50 lbs.! good luck and let me know what you decide.

NatashaW · 10-04-2005, 10:29 AM

"so I dug out this pic of me to show him and he was like eww thats nasty, "

THIS IS NOT A NICE BOY. If any man said that to me, even about a picture of me 10 or 15 years ago, I would say BUH BYE and slam and door in his face.

liza2 · 10-04-2005, 12:53 PM

Yeah same here. That is so superficial and you deserve alot better than that. I can understand how that would be triggery and you aren't ready for that kind of pressure.

cryingskies · 10-04-2005, 03:17 PM

thank you guys so much. I really needed to have some other input u know. And thats what I was kind of thinking, when he said that I just got up and walked away, I had to get myself together before I could even talk to him because it really got under my skin. And I guess ur right joni..if I never tell him the whole truth than the relationship isn't built on a solid foundation. I am just so scared u know, because I honestly have never flat out told anyone that i am anorexic, I am just at a very bad weight you know, and everyone just takes one look at me and they start with the ur going to kill urself and u need to get help and I cant deny it anymore, its far past being able to deny it and get away with it u know. But I guess after 6 years now, its pretty obivious. My good friend Anje had moved to N.C. because her husband is in the marines and was living on base down there while he was fighting in Iraq, and he got hit with an RPG and was hurt really bad and after he recooped then they moved back home and he got out of the military and they had a beautiful baby girl about a month or a month n a half ago, and of coursee I get to be Aunt Chrissy;so I went to visit the day she got home with the baby from the hospital and she walked in and just give me a look but she never said anything to me because of her husband being there, and she understands privacy, unlike most people now=a=days. But she called me later on that nite and was like I just want to talk to u chrissy u really have me scared, she was like I used to worry about u when we were in school but now you have finally let this take control of u and uve gotta do something about it, u look like a skeleton, and ur killing urself. She is the only friend i have that will step up and say something to me without being mean or making me mad, and I dont know I guess what she said really hit me hard, so I've been tryin so hard I will say I've gained weight, but only because everyone tells me I'm not looking so sick anymore, that I actually have color back to me and I dont look so skinny anymore, I wont really go around mirrors too much and I wont dare go near a scale because I know the moment I see either I will lose it and back track everything I've fought so hard to obtain u know. And so the past two days ive stayed away from my boyfriend, i guess ive kind of picked fights so he'd get mad and not come up, and i guess thats not very good, but i dont know when he is around its like the bad thoughts and everything come around u know? I guess the only wayy to change his energy around me and my weight is going to be to talk to him about it.... Scary u know....well 'i have to go watch my cousins lil one's play soccer..... I've played soccer my whole life so I help them out, next year im going to try to coach their team, well u all take care, and keep ur heads up...tomorrow is a new day right?