I'm new here - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

lilly5 · 10-24-2005, 05:25 PM

I think I have an eating disorder. I completely obsess about my weight. In june I weighed 200 pounds and joined a gym and only lost 3 pounds. in july I started nutrisystems and I've lost 30 pounds since then. But now I find myself making myself throw up if I've eaten foods that aren't NS foods or if I just feel like I've eaten too much. I also take a lot of laxatives. I take 4 every night and 2 in the morning and sometimes 2 in the afternoon if I know I'm going to be home all day. I am so obsessed about losing all this extra weight that I've been carrying around all these years. 200 pounds is the most i've ever weighed, even when i was pregnant with my 3rd child i only weighed 195. I'm almost 40 and i'm 5'7" I know I'm overweight but feel that I'm getting out of control with losing this weight. It's not coming off fast enough. And when I get to 145-150 then what? How will i keep the weight from coming back? I have lost weight before and I always gain it back plus 10. I've been a yo-yo dieting most of my adult life. I was slender as a child/teen. I weighed 130 when I got married in '85. I just constantly think about losing weight and finding more ways to lose more. I am seeing a counselor, I started 3 weeks ago. We've only just started talking about the purging and laxes. My husband doesn't know about them. I usually only use this website on the topic of Down syndrome, my 14 year old daughter has DS. But I came across this topic and I hope this is the right place to post this. I'm hoping those of you in recovery can offer words of wisdom to get me out of this. Thanks for reading. MONA

Jonistyle2 · 10-25-2005, 09:48 AM

welcome! this is a great place to talk/vent/share/lament/whatever, so I'm glad you've decided to come here. it's great that you're seeing a counselor. it sounds like you do have an ED (not that i am in any way a professional giving you this opinion); at the very least, you have severe eating issues, both mental and behavioral. therapy is definitely the way to go for that stuff, so feel proud, you've taken the first big step! it sucks to think about food/weight 24/7 and to feel so out of control and down, but definitely keep coming on here to talk. welcome!

lilly5 · 10-25-2005, 05:01 PM

I just ate dinner with my family and then made myself throw up. I know I have a problem. I only do this when I eat something that is not Nutrisystem food, though. And I was so happy this morning that I lost 2 pounds. I feel like this is just the beginning of something that can become completely out of my control if I don't address it now. I'm 40, I've read tons of articles on Anorexia and Bulemia and I always wished I could be that way. Now I am. I feel like I'm losing control and I don't like that. I'm also in recovery from drugs (6 1/2 years clean) I know what recovery is like. I know how chaotic life can be when in an addiction. I know what it's like when something else is controlling your own life. And right now it food and my weight. This is the only place (besides with my counselor) that I can admit to this. I hope some of you can help. Thanks, MONA