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Old 01-22-2006, 07:44 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 8
phxgirl HB User
New and need help

I'm 36 and have been bulimic on and off (mostly on) for the last 20 years. I am a "normal" eater 90% of the day, but I binge eat about 5x week and that's when I throw up. At all other times, I can eat normally. I was actually about 50 lbs overweight and have lost 36 lbs of it by normal/healthy eating and am continuing to lose these last 14 lbs, but I still have my purge binge times. I really really want to stop because I know it stems from emotional stress, and I just hate the way I feel during my B/P episodes. I've never told anyone that I have this behavior..and it's been going on for 20 years now. I know my husband must know..how could he not? Strange thing is, that during the last 2 days I've binged, I literally cannot throw up. No matter how hard I have tried, and I've worked myself into a complete panic because of this, I cannot purge. I know this sounds awful, but the food just won't come up. I cannot figure out if this is a physical or emotional issue. So these last 2 binge episodes, I coudn't get the food up and have had to deal with the aftermath of feeling disgustingly full and ashamed. This may be just what I need to stop this horrible cycle. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Thanks in advance...

 
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Old 01-22-2006, 03:17 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Heartland
Posts: 805
Natalie00 HB User
Re: New and need help

Hi
Yes, I think this could be a wake up call for you. Throwing up 5x a week for 20 years...it is remarkable you haven't had serious problems yet. I was bulimic for nine years and have developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is hell in itself. As you know, you are at risk for serious complications, such as a heart attack or stroke, even if you haven't had any real health complications yet. Throwing up is never OK, but 5X a week is a great risk..I know, I used to throw up every day, sometimes twice a day. Your body could hold out another 20 years without complications or you could get very ill tomorrow..you just never know. So please seek treatment NOW. Therapy, medication if necessary. Find a good support group. Tell your husband, your trusted friends and family. No one ever gets well when they are still in the secretive mode about their ED.

To answer your other question...almost all bulimics have episodes where they just can't throw up. It has happened to me many times, mostly years ago, but even recently I have had episodes where I couldn't throw up but not even 30% of what I had eaten. I think it is physical and emotional. If a person is really having emotional issues with their bulimia and wanting to not throw up (while trying to throw up) it could inhibit a purge. Also, sometimes a body just rejects vomiting...like it is saying "sorry, not today..I can't handle it..." It usuallly doesn't last but it could. At any rate, if your body is actually rejecting bulimia that means it is tired of it, and I know you are mentally exhausted with it too.

Coming clean about your ED is the first step; Then treatment.

Best of luck

Last edited by Natalie00; 01-22-2006 at 03:18 PM.

 
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Old 01-22-2006, 04:31 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 288
mandabear HB User
Re: New and need help

i had an experience like this yesterday. i think i was just so exhausted, that i couldnt will myself to do it. it made me feel like a failure. i know i am not, but that was how i felt.

i think you should tell your husband. secrets only keep you sick. he'd rather hear it from you, as opposed to simply finding out by..other ways. you should really consider therapy, possibly group therapy as well. it will be helpful.

 
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