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Old 01-31-2006, 05:19 AM   #1
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Does this ever happen to anyone?

You tell someone you are struggling with an eating disorder, and their response is: "You don't look like you have an eating disorder.". I don't know why, but this is very triggering for me. It just makes me feel like I've failed at something else. It's also hard when people tell you that you are getting too big are the same ones telling you that you are losing too much weight! It's so frustrating and doesn't help with recovery at all!

 
Old 01-31-2006, 08:27 AM   #2
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Thumbs up Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

heya, yeah i understand what u mean completely. the thing is, having an eating disorder doesn't necessarily mean that u are really thin, although lots of people with eds are. there are far too many people out there who don't understand, and the worst thing is when people accuse you of doing it to get attention. i'm currently trying to beat bulimia (gradually making progress) but people who have never experienced it, really have no idea as a lot of the time what u are going through happens in your head, and although the effects are often physical, i find that the emotional struggle is far harder to deal with.
i have told hardly anyone cos i'm worried bout what they'll think, and that they'll judge me as it's sooo hard to really explain what having an ed is like..
hope this makes sense.. basically i'm agreeing with what ure saying!

take care x
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Old 01-31-2006, 08:42 AM   #3
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

I know most people don't understand. Some people also make a joke of it, but if they really know what we deal with they wouldn't think it was very funny. It's just really hard to deal with by yourself.

 
Old 01-31-2006, 10:28 AM   #4
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Arrow Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

u said dealing with it by yourself.. hav u thought bout gettin help with it? i refused to admit that i had a problem for ages, but now i am receiving treatment for my eating disorder, i wish i'd done it sooner.
it helps to put it into perspective, but still doesn't help what people think, although it may dawn on them that it is a problem serious enough for medical help.. but of course, i didn't go and get help for the sake of everyone else.. this is something i need to get over! can't imagine a life without bulimia tho..
probs the same as everyone else imagining a life with bulimia..
ok..starting to confuse myself now!

xxx xxx
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Old 01-31-2006, 09:23 PM   #5
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess48197
You tell someone you are struggling with an eating disorder, and their response is: "You don't look like you have an eating disorder.". I don't know why, but this is very triggering for me. It just makes me feel like I've failed at something else. It's also hard when people tell you that you are getting too big are the same ones telling you that you are losing too much weight! It's so frustrating and doesn't help with recovery at all!
This happens to me ALL the time. People look at me (especially women) and think that I got it all together because I'm thin and fit. However, they have absolutely no idea what I go through to maintain it and the agony I go through if I gain weight. But, when I tell them they say that I don't look sick. People just don't get that these are mental disorders that can have physical consequences, and that just because someone doesn't look like a beanpole, it doesn't mean that they aren't sick. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Last edited by kittywitty; 01-31-2006 at 09:32 PM.

 
Old 02-01-2006, 04:27 AM   #6
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lil ladee
u said dealing with it by yourself.. hav u thought bout gettin help with it? i refused to admit that i had a problem for ages, but now i am receiving treatment for my eating disorder, i wish i'd done it sooner.
it helps to put it into perspective, but still doesn't help what people think, although it may dawn on them that it is a problem serious enough for medical help.. but of course, i didn't go and get help for the sake of everyone else.. this is something i need to get over! can't imagine a life without bulimia tho..
probs the same as everyone else imagining a life with bulimia..
ok..starting to confuse myself now!

xxx xxx
I have been in therapy, but my insurance ran out a year ago and I haven't been able to go since then. The good news is I do have insurance now, so I plan on going back into therapy. It is hard to imagine life without the eating disorder, because it's like giving up control. And since I am a control freak, somehow the anorexia is a comfort to me. It is confusing! Somehow we will all get through it though.

 
Old 02-01-2006, 09:39 AM   #7
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

That sort of comment is very triggering to me too. But the truth is that regular people out there are very uneducated about eating disorders. What little they do know is probably from some Lifetime special or a magazine article with pictures of skeleton women. They don't understand that a lot of people with anorexia aren't necessarily that thin.. they may become that thin when they are on the brink of dying.. but sometimes it takes years and years to reach that state. I was in an outpatient treatment program and most of the girls there did not look like that. And the truth is that most bulimics are not emaciated.. they tend to be about average weight. But does not in any way mean that bulimia isn't a serious disease. It is extremely dangerous and you are very sick. I would be a really good idea to get some professional help for your recovery.

To make a long story short: ignorance sucks, society sucks!

 
Old 02-04-2006, 09:23 PM   #8
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Red face Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

I agree with this last reply--people are just ignorant and/or only only "familiar" with what an ED is.

I finally told my boyfriend about it, and he, like many people who have never experienced something like this or been around it, doesn't know what to say or how to help. To be quite honest, there's nothing he can say or do that will help--it's got to be us. We make the decision to get better or worse. He admitted he wasn't real familiar with the side effects or anything along those lines. And like I told him, it's probably better that he's not knowledgable about it--he'd worry even more about me. Even if he, or anyone, became an expert on it, you can't force another person to start doing something or quit doing something.

I guess I've been in therapy for about 2 months now for ana and mia. It's a slow process but I think in the end will be very worth it. Starting to tackle some of the deeper stuff now and I've become increasingly more uncomfortable and hesitant to be too specif in my session, but bottom line (what I have to keep in mind) is that I have to conciously make the decision to desire to get better; not regress into old behaviors-- and actually live and enjoy the rest of my life that God has blessed me with. I guess I never gave it a lot of thought before now, but I've only recently realized and understod that these ED's ARE mental disorders. When most of us think of mental disorders we think schiz, borderline, bi-polar, manic-depressive, etc, right? I guess in my mind I've always thought of an ED as more of an addiction than an actual mental problem (to me, and this may sound weird, but I don't want to be lumped into or classified and labeled in the same class as the disorders I mentioned above--makes me feel like some kind of psycho or mental patient, and I'm not). But yeah, it stems from the thoughts we think, so in that right, it is a mental disorder. I attempted to go through recovery "backwards"--stopping the behavior first--restricting and purging--and then trying to not think "those thoughts". For some reason, it makes more sense to me to get your mind right, thinking healthy instead of drastic, and the behavior would diminish. You wouldn't want to continue down the same destructive path, because you would be thinking clearly. Does that make sense?

I think we can all agree this was way more than 2 cents worth of thought, but hey, I was on a roll.

I love you guys, and praying for ya'll. You're not alone.

Misti

 
Old 02-05-2006, 05:51 PM   #9
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

Thank you all for your replies. It does help to know that I am not going through this alone. I will be praying for all of you.

 
Old 02-05-2006, 07:34 PM   #10
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

That's what we're here for, Princess--to support and encourage one another. Having hope is crucial to our recovery and success. I'm so glad that we can be here for each other 24/7.
Thanks for posting, Princess, and keep us updated!

MG

 
Old 02-07-2006, 08:44 AM   #11
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Re: Does this ever happen to anyone?

its seems like sort of a compliment and also an insult. A compliment because they are somewhat saying "oh, you dont look like you have problems" but sorta an insult because it may sound like they are saying "oh your not skinny enough to have an eating disorder" I would get offended by that as well, though I have never had anyone ever say that to me, but still thats not a good thing to say to someone
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