Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day either....
i'm sorry you're having such a rough time, sweetie! anterrabae had a good suggestion. a nutritionist would be REALLY helpful if you could get into one (even it's it's just for a couple visits). she could help you feel more secure eating the "non-safe" foods, you know?
that being said, is there anything else going on in your life right now? anything that's stressing you out/making you anxious? any major events? you might need to look into this stuff to see why you've been slipping mentally a little lately. they say our ED's come from that stuff, so i think it'd be good to look deep into yourself right now. you might be able to identify what's causing all this anxiety, you know?
in terms of your eating, i kind of agree with your plan. you need to get a little more stable in your mind and if returning to what you were eating a couple weeks ago (as long as you don't start counting calories or get too restrictive) will help you gain confidence, then i think that's a good way to go. (kudos to you on that too, girl! i wouldn't say that to most girls, but you seem to have a good grasp on intuitive eating and responding to your needs and desires. just don't let it get too controlled, you know?) also, i really believe that you shouldn't be eating "junk" just cuz you think it's normal. you should be eating what you want, when you want. and a lot of times, that's gonna be healthy food, you know? however, i doubt anyone's body ever craved "light" ice cream, so part of that IS eating the regular (full fat, full calorie) stuff. if you want ice cream, eat the real thing, if you want carrot sticks, eat the real thing, you know?
my only fear with saying that is that you might just be stagnating with your "comfortable/safe" foods and therefore not making any real progress. loss of control is what is causing all this anxiety, am i right? but unfortunately, loss of control is what it means to recover from anorexia. if you can't give it all up and just LIVE, then the ED is still with you, you know? i think the toughest times, when you're experiencing the most anxiety and frustration, are the times when you are most directly confronting your eating disorder. in other words, in order to really recover, you might have to go through a few weeks of absolute hellish anxiety/nervousness/low-self esteem/etc. because that's what the disease wants you to do. it wants you to pull back when you start getting too anxious, but if you pull back, then you can never beat it down. so maybe you've gotta stick it out and keep challenging yourself and keep fighting. it'll all get easier, i promise!
i don't really know, so don't take anything i'm saying as advice . . . more just like some things to think about. anyway, good luck and keep us posted on your progress. you're really an inspiration and you've come a LONG way, so make sure you pat yourself on the back for that daily!