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Old 03-18-2006, 09:45 AM   #1
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mandabear HB User
am i getting worse?

I was told the other night after my group therapy session that I seem like I am getting worse. I was told this by my friend who is struggling with anorexia, so I guess I feel like if she said it, maybe it's true.

Lately I have been binging and throwing up less. I guess I was basing whether I am getting better/worse based on that. I have also been eating around 1,000-1,200 calories a day. Maybe a little over sometimes even. I guess I felt that I was getting healthier because of this. Because I've been eating breakfast and everything which I wasn't doing before.

I know that I have gotten a lot stricter about my "safe" foods. The majority of them are low fat/fat free varities, low sugar, etc. And I've become so scared about going out of those boundaries. I'm terrified that I'll break down in tears if I eat outside of my "safe" foods, or if I feel too full after a meal.

I haven't lost weight, or I don't think I have. So I guess I didn't see what the big deal was. Yesterday we had food in our English class. We had preordered like chinese, blimpees, etc. I had a 6" veggie sub, and I could only eat half of it because I was feeling so full. I knew I couldn't throw up at school and didn't want to, so I just stopped eating it.

Am I really getting worse? I'm honestly at a loss. I used to throw up everyday twice or so, and now I'm down to throwing up 2-4 times a week. So knowing that I'm binging/purging less and eating more than I usually do, I feel like I am getting better. But now there's that piece in the back of my mind that thinks maybe she's right. What are your guys' opinions?

 
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Old 03-18-2006, 12:17 PM   #2
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dawgfan HB User
Re: am i getting worse?

I'm not sure if it sounds like you're getting worse or not. In what way does your friend from the group think that you were doing better before now?

 
Old 03-18-2006, 01:06 PM   #3
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mandabear HB User
Re: am i getting worse?

well before when i would binge and purge, i would eat anything and everything (as long as it was vegetarian). And I wasn't as rigid with staying inside my safe foods.

I would restrict a lot one day and overeat the next, etc.

 
Old 03-18-2006, 09:40 PM   #4
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dawgfan HB User
Re: am i getting worse?

It doesn't sound to me like you're getting worse. I still think you have a long way to go with eating so few calories and with only eating certain foods b/c they're "safe", but it really sounds like you're trying hard.

Hating that full feeling is completely normal with someone with an ED. We ALL feel that way, but that is not something we can avoid if we really do want to recover. Somehow we have to learn how to get past the point where we freak out when we feel full.

From what I can tell, it sounds to me like you are actually doing better than you were before. You should feel very proud that you have cut your b/p down so much. And like I said, it sounds like you still have a long road in front of you, but like everyone says, we just have to take "baby steps". We can't expect to recover overnight. It is definitely a long process, but every tiny step we make in the right direction counts. You know the things you still need to work on, so just try and concentrate on them, a little at a time. That's all anyone should expect you to do.

Keep your chin up, and don't let anyone discourage you. You are doing GREAT, you just gotta keep going!!

 
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