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Old 06-13-2006, 06:30 PM   #1
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coffeegirl2 HB User
On being a mommy with an ED

Being a mommy with an ED is difficult and shameful. It is something I never once thought of in my teen years nor when I was in college- that I would still have this dreadful demon when I would be a parent. Nor did there come a day when I would hear my little one's say the awful words...."Mommy, am I fat?" And, how heartbroken I was to hear that spit out of their innocent mouth because they had learned it from me, while I had once stupidly must had said it while looking at myself in the mirror without even realizing it. It made me realize that day that I have to be fully aware of myself, surroundings, and what I am doing with my body every single day because not only does it effect me, but it effects others in my family as well.

That is very frightening. It is a way to look at it in a whole new perspective if you look at it from that angle. My sons both know that I am very concerned about my weight, and know the word 'diet' which concerns me, only because I have abused that word numerous times. They have asked if they need to be on a diet because mommy and daddy have been on diets before, and we have had to explain to them the values of food, why we eat, how to eat properly, etc., and periodically we while we are at the dinner table we will go over why we eat- and why it is important to eat; to be healthy and to live a normal and functionable life.

Struggling is something that I still deal with. In the realm of this message I hope those who read this post understand that I struggle daily with food. I too, dream about it, cry about it sometimes, and get very angry of why I can't eat or do eat- and know why; emotions. So I journal to deal with the feelings. And, I visit my tdoc as well and talk to my DH. Luckily, my DH is very understanding and supportive. He might not understand, but he will listen. All it takes is to find one person out there to listen, and that is all one needs for a support system.

Thinking of you all. Many hugs.

Coffeegirl
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Old 06-14-2006, 05:01 AM   #2
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sumi HB User
Re: On being a mommy with an ED

Oh, God I can so relate to you. However my daughter is only 9 months and doesn't quite understand yet. Everytime we go to the doctor to get her weighed and measured I am secretly hoping she isn't overweight. Thank God she is just perfect! The fact that I think that way kills me though, it disgusts me.
I always thought that by the time I had children I would be "cured" or that I would magically not care anymore. But, it doesn't work that way.
I too am married to a wonderful guy who knows more about my ED than anyone else. He is supportive and understands me. When we cook he always makes sure to include my "safe foods" or when we go out he makes sure there are items on the menu that I can eat.
I know that as she gets older I have to be very careful about wording things and looking at every label, cooking with oil instead of without, buying cookies or junk food and making sure she is healthy. I want her to have self-esteem and know she is beautiful. She deserves it!
I am sure you are a good mother and I know that there are many families who diet together and don't necessarily have ED's so please don't beat yourself up about it.
It's good to know that there are other mothers out there! Keep the posts coming!

Last edited by sumi; 06-14-2006 at 05:01 AM.

 
Old 06-14-2006, 05:26 AM   #3
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coffeegirl2 HB User
Re: On being a mommy with an ED

usam:

My DH always has been very caring about how I am in regards towards the ED, and is very worried about my mental health. Also, I have Bipolar Disorder, and that too, can be very disruptive and emotional on myself and others around me as well.

Like you and your DH, we cook very healthy at our home. We have always eaten healthy, only I've gained weight the past 2 years from meds I take due to the Bipolar Disorder. That is a bummer. It is like anything and everything I eat causes me to gain weight and more weight. If I look at food, weight goes on- instantly. Talk about being depressed. And, the pdoc knows that I am mad about it. That is another story in itself.

I worry too about my children being weight concious. It is my worst nightmare. They already are, and it is upsetting. My sons have both even teased me about my weight, calling me 'fat' because they have seen me mostly as a normal thin person, and don't understand why I am not my usual size. One of them even grabbed my abdomen and called me fat mommy one day. It was the most upsetting day ever. Talk about a day from h*ll.

And, this one, will really make all of you freak. My mom, who I love dearly, does NOT get it. She told me one day that I needed to lose weight and that I was getting too fat. Of course I didn't listen to her, though it hurt really bad. That was when I decided to visit a nutritionist about my eating habits. Only I didn't go back to the nutritionist. I didn't stick with the routine. I became so depressed about life and slipped into a dark depression. It was not good. Then I snapped out of it. Still, I have the weight gain. I don't know if I will ever lose the weight I have. It is like I am living in a prision of my own body. And, every time my mom looks at me I feel so ashamed. She constantly reminds me how tiny boned I am and how I should be a size 2. Isn't that nice of her?

Well I need to get going. Summer school time. TTYL

Coffeegirl
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