New and Nervous - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

found24 · 01-02-2001, 12:50 PM

Hi,

This is new to me, but I'm starting to think that I have a problem and wanted to see if there was anyone out there that could tell me what they thought.

I have always been concerned with my weight, sometimes more than others. However, over the last few months it consumes almost all my thoughts. I'm 5'8, 24 years old and used to weigh 145 lbs. Now a month and a half later, I weigh 125 and I feel that I would look better if I could lose just 8 to 10 more. I restrict my meals, have a bagel for lunch and salad for supper (enough to be full). Then I exercise a lot, sometimes doing situps late at night or jogging on the spot when my roomate is gone to bed. I take laxatives on a daily basis, diet pills and I just started taking diurex. I never binge, but when I do eat I either take laxatives right away, chew food and spit it up before I swallow or try to throw up.
I have all these new clothes that I can fit into now, and would rather do anything than not be able to fit in them again. No offence to trendy clothing chains, but if you aren't a stick you can't fit into anything. It makes you feel so bad about yourself.
Noone knows what I'm doing. Everyone notices that I have lost a lot of weight, but they think it's because I go to the gym and watch what I eat. I have also pushed most of my friends away. Christmas time I visited my family and resented them because they made me eat turkey dinner! That's ridiculous.
I think of anorexia and bulimia as being serious problems for extremely thin girls or girls that are throwing up all the time. I just look at myself as having some unhealthy diet methods. Sorry for going on so long. It's the first time I have ever discussed this.

Gail · 01-02-2001, 10:05 PM

Hello found24,

I could relate to some of what you said. I think you are trying to tell yourself that you don't have a problem because others are worse. I do the same thing. Actually, we both have a problem.

I don't have clothes I want to stay in, I have some in my closet that I want to get back into. I refuse to get rid of them.

I too use laxatives. I am also on the low carb diet. I like to go to bed feeling hungry. It makes me feel good inside.

I was once in an eating disorders hospital. Guess what? Most of the others there were over 20 and not really thin. They were like us. They had "bad eating habits."

I suggest you tell your doctor about this now before it gets more out of control. I've been there. Having a tube forced down your nose to give you Ensure is NO FUN.

Let us know how you are doing. Please, get some help.

Gail

alazay · 01-05-2001, 11:48 PM

You are 5'8 and weigh 125, and you want to lose weight? Are you crazy that is not over weight! That is small. You DO NOT need to lose weight!!!!!!!!!!!

Gail · 01-06-2001, 12:00 PM

To alazay:

Do you think you are telling her something new? I bet she has heard that more times than she can count. You are right though, she probably doesn't need to lose weight. It is a "head" problem. Is this all new to you.

I am 5'10" and even when I weighed 125lbs. I thought I needed to lose more. I now weigh 155lbs. and am so desperate to lose! Hearing how we might be crazy doesn't help. Wake up!

Gail

found24 · 01-09-2001, 07:24 AM

I know that it sounds crazy. 5'8 and 125lbs to me sounds like a normal weight, but when I look at myself I don't see that. I see someone that could more than afford to lose another 8-10 lbs. I keep my feelings to myself about how I feel about needing to lose more weight, because nobody understands. One of the girls at work saw me yesterday and said "my god, you look like you are going to crack off". I don't see what they think they see when they look at me. I don't talk about it, because I know people will think I am just trying to get attention. Maybe that does sound crazy, but it's the way I am feeling.