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Old 09-13-2006, 03:27 PM   #1
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Overly sensitive/responsive to other people's comments

My biggest problem is that I care deeply about what other people think or say. I have always been tall and big-boned and not overweight (except by maybe Hollywood standards). I have also always had a compulsive desire to eat, which outgrew me druing my early teen years and I gained weight. I then went on a very strict diet (never thought I could 'cause I always loved food, sweets, eating...dieting just did not seem my thing), but I did and I lost a lot of weight. I started using laxatives, became obsessed... Then I started eating..and gaining...and I gained A LOT of weight and was probably overweight by about 10-15 lbs. Then I lost some of it through exercise but the binging never really stopped. Then I became anorexic/bulimic again. I started to eat again at some point and overweight. Then I lost it and recently bulimia became my friend.

I have lost weight and now look great by the society's standards but I know I am below my natural weight (by maybe 5-10 lbs.). I am SO AFRAID that I wll lose control and regain it all back, be fat once again. I have a boyfriend who is a wonderful guy but he does not understand these issues. He does compliment me all the time (especially now) but he makes comments that Beyonce is so huge/fat and it drives me crazy.

Just when I look at a popular woman and think that I would not be afraid to gain a few pounds in order to look healthy, womanly, sexy, powerful...I am bombarded by a message like this. I know he likes that I have flat abs now and he does not care that I am big boned but sometimes I feel that people like and praise me only based on my looks.

I hate my body and I am not proud of it. I am so scared of fat. I am by no means thin or anorexic but I have this huge obsession with weight and I also have a huge compulsion to eat. I have everything - a university degree, a great job, an apartment of my own, a car, a wonderful boyfriend and through him a lot of new friends and yet the only thing that makes me really, really, really happy is food. So I am afraid that I will never overcome this and that if I do, it will involve getting back to a higher weight. I do not want people to say, "Oh, you've gained weight" (the people I hang out with are very blunt, European...).

How do you deal with this? How do you except yourself for who you are when you are within such an environment? How do I make my boyfriend understand without attacking him and making him feel like he thinks of me as a lesser person????

please help

 
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Old 09-13-2006, 03:53 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA, US
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pearly HB User
Re: Overly sensitive/responsive to other people's comments

Oh my goodness I really feel understand that fear of comments and weight! It is so painful when we are stuck in comparison mode and we register those comments made by people we love and care about...I hate when my mother makes comments about my friends looking good, thin, like they lost their baby fat. Yuck I always bring it back too me. Do you know how hurt they would be if they knew we took those comments about Beyonce or my friends personally? Ouch. We do not need to consume ourselves with others thoughts. They are none of our business. OUR own personal thoughts are all we truly have. It is your perception solely that will drive your whole life! Okay I don't want to seem preachy...Alright so I guess I will lay it out. I am truly trying this myself: Be your own 'model'. I have started being my best friend. I wake up and focus on ME first. I notice that if I set the intention to be healthy for me and love myself I can't hurt. Here is a menu and daily activity list that I try to fufill. I hope this spurs ideas.

wake up stretch/yoga and hygeine. next, special mocha or coffee/tea. I fix a bowl of oatmeal with banana and peanut butter or fruit smoothy...
pick out a flatering outfit with matching purse belt jewlery--anything to make me feel together. Go to work and enjoy my surroundings.lunch sald whole grain sandwich Listen and learn. I usually take a tote of water, lipstick and great lotion. I reapply and feel fresh all day. I carry myself like a model because I deserve it. I am kind to others because I love myself first. after work I get to a gym class or walk. I can pretend I have a personal trainer and push myself! I feel great. Stretch, shower pamper. I try to freshen my nails, hair and skin weekly thru lots of fun homemade recipes for color and care. veggies for dinner and protiene. special small desert. It starts getting FUN! I like myself. This may sound conceeded..It is not. I have more room in my heart because I love myself.

 
Old 09-14-2006, 11:36 AM   #3
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Re: Overly sensitive/responsive to other people's comments

Wow!!! All I have to say is, Congratulations! Good for you!

I was expecting some responses along the lines of, "Ditch your idiotic boyfriend" and was already feeling overwhelmed about having to explain and deal with it, about communicating the fact that it's not about him - it's about ME.

You are so right and I admire you so much for loving yourself first.

Thanks for your inspiring response.

 
Old 09-14-2006, 12:49 PM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 267
Jonistyle4 HB User
Re: Overly sensitive/responsive to other people's comments

pearly,

that IS a great response. you're gonna laugh, but you sound like my mom!!! seriously, but it's so TRUE. my mom is a happy, peaceful woman who loves herself and the people around her. she's a calming, fun presence and i know this comes from "treating" herself in the ways you've described. she's always telling me to do those little special things for myself and when i actually listen, i feel SO good. i think we totally forget to take care of ourselves sometimes, you know? i love everything you said in your post and i'm totally gonna apply it to my life. i am special (like a princess!) and deserve to treat myself that way! and everyone else deserves the same for themselves.

 
Old 09-15-2006, 08:34 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA, US
Posts: 33
pearly HB User
Arrow Re: Overly sensitive/responsive to other people's comments

Ladies you made my day! Thank you for hearing my words. I feel re-energized by your comments. And I re-read what I have written. I will continue to remind myself of how to love me. Thank you for encouragement. We can do this.
I have been practicing more of this attitude because a lot is about to happen in my life and I don't want to sweep myself under the rug. Graduate program in Counseling Psych starts Monday, boyfriend talking about marriage , and I will soon be working longer hours and having less me time....So I started thinking make it ALL me time! I think when I am at work or school I must remember why---its all for me, my choices. I want to enjoy it and not take myself too seriously--laugh, glow, grow, stretch and play. I am so glad I have a place like here to communicate these inner thoughts.
So last week I really tried this attitude on, Results: I drank more water, ate more whole foods (and more calories more frequently) tried a new workout, skipped a workout (to know that it is okay), and listened better, let some comments hurt for a second then trickel off my back, took my vitamins, swam laps for energy not for workout, sat in a steam room, listened to my favorite CD and sang like I meant it outloud. Right now I am sipping my cafe leche hehehe and whereing a mud mask!!! I like this! I am so thankful. I know we all have some heartache ahead. But why not fully embrace today and enjoy our skin we are in. Thank you for hearing me.

 
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