I am sick of myself, and thinking about this everyday!!! - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

xx5x · 01-16-2001, 11:31 AM

Okay well, I'm 17 and have a problem. I know this because I can't control anything I do. Last summer I never ate, and it was awesome because I was down to 110 and I'm 5'7". So I was the "skinny" girl for once in my life. Now I eat and can't stop. This is soo embarrassing and if you wanna laugh you can. I now weigh 167, and 5'8". I'm huge and have to lose weight now!!!!!! Everyday I tell myself "Don't eat and you will be where u were" It's not working. I'm to depressed to exercise, and what if I just get bigger. I have thought about suicide, but I want to show everyone that I can be skinny again. Life really sux, thats about all I have to say. People treat you diff even if you gain 5pounds. No one to me is worth my time. And for friends. They don't talk to me because I'm heavy. I'm not looking for sympathy<----spelling? I jsut want to write this down. Say I lose the weight, am I going to have to think about weight my whole life. Is it going to rule over me. Even my moms friends talk about how they need to lose weight. Thats all , well weight is all I think about. I want life back. I can remember when I used to eat and never think about it. Well I hope everyone has an awesome day. One plus is I havent ate today, and I will someday get to were I was. I gained all my weight in one month. Bad I know. You can laugh, or whatever.

found24 · 01-16-2001, 01:24 PM

Hi,

I am probably not the best one to give advice right now, but I saw your post and wanted to reply to you. No matter what weight you are, I know what it's like to be consumed with it. I am also sick of myself and thinking about this everyday. However, unlike many strong people on this site, I haven't been able to yet admit I really need help. I am still consumed with wanting to lose the rest of my weight.
This is the pot calling the kettle black, but looking at this from the outside, I think that your best success would come from eating a sensible diet. Yo yo dieting seems not to be very productive. If you start doing that, then you will gradually lose a few pounds (not that you need to). My advice isn't that great, but the main reason I wrote this was to say I think I can speak for most people on this site when I say that noone would laugh at you. You should feel like you can say whatever you want about your feelings here and not be ridiculed for it.
My other worry is about your suicide comment. Do you have anyone you feel you can be open and share with. I have made the mistake of carrying this all myself and cut off all my friends. I just stopped returning their calls and even my roomate and I don't share things very much at all. There is nothing worse than feeling you have noone to share your feelings with for fear you will be made fun of and they won't understand. So know that you can talk here when you want. Like I said I might not be in the best position to give advice right now, but I haven't lost my skills to listen.

Take care,
Sara

cutenbrat · 01-16-2001, 01:40 PM

It doesn't matter how much weight you lose for when you're consumed with weight it's a problem but it's not the real problem-something else is bothering you and society sure doesn't make it much easier showing all the skinny models-there are now pants that are size 0 and that's sad if you ask me yet I still at times want to buy a place to squeeze into them. You need to be honest with yourself what is the real problem and talk to your parents to find out what they think and you think should be done hon-once again weight is not the real issue yet it feels like it is but you are concertrating on that to avoid something else.

Meeqin334 · 01-19-2001, 09:39 PM

First off, not eating at all is not the way to loose weight. Once you loose all that weight from starving yourself, when you eat a lot, you'll gain probably more weight. I say just exercise and eat right. And have confidence, you'll loose it, and don't worry about what other people think, their not you. Do it for you anyway. So I hope you do well.