i think i have had an eating disorder for a while and also depression - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

sunflower sarah · 04-29-2001, 07:56 AM

hello, my name is sarah i am 18 and live in australia. i was sick a while back and did not eat for 3 days and i lost quite a bit of weight and to stop my self putting on weight again i used to starve myself. But after a while my love for food took over and i started putting weight on. I am not very fat i weigh 50kg and i am 4ft11. for the past 2 weeks i have started making my self throw up after i eat, it took me a while to get the food up at first but now i have the hang of it. I have lost 3-4 kg from it wich makes me really happy, i really want to get down to 43kg. I have been very depressed for a long time, i have bad acne and i am having alot of trouble getting a job. A week ago i tried to break my own arm, because i was so anoyed with my self for eating so much and being so ugly. i didnt break it but it had a very bad bruise on it and i think i may of chipped the bone. i told my dad i dropped a hammer on it. I cry all the time because i hate my self and looks are so important, i have never been good looking and i know i never will be, but if i could loose a little weight i would have a good body and guys will like me for that. I am embarased to leave my house because of the way i look, I hardly go anywere anymore. I stay home and sleepall day and i stay up all nite and watch t.v. How long does it take to loose weight when u r bulemic? I dont want anyones help i just wanted to tell everyone about this to see if anyone had a similar situation. Please dont think i am just crying for attention.

Tricky · 04-29-2001, 09:38 PM

Hi Sarah,
There is nothing wrong with crying for attention when you are obviously going through a very difficult time. An eating disorder will only complicate all the other problems you are experiencing right now. If you don't mind me asking, why do you associate being thin with being successful and attractive? That might sound like a stupid question, but it really isn't if you think about it. Just because a woman is thin, she is not necessarily successful, interesting or attractive.

Have you ever heard anyone say that eating disorders really aren't about eating? Sort of strange, but true actually. Sometimes we overcompensate for our fears and/or flaws by controlling our weight. A change in weight will not make the existing fears or supposed flaws disappear -- it only makes it worse. Have you confided in anyone about your purging and other feelings? It seems like the bulimia is a relatively new thing for you. Please get help before it takes over your life. The loss of a few lbs/kilos is not worth the pain and confusion an eating disorder will bring to your life.