Oh dear oh dear oh dear....(a few minor #s) - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

deliriouskitten · 04-30-2001, 02:39 AM

Since coming out of the clinic, DESPITE eating ok, (allbeit, not completely normally) I've managaed to become almost 1kg lighter than I was when I went in.
Also, I have become anxious all the time, and I get frustrated really easily, and just start to wail and cry for no reason, and hit out at people, and just want to be on my own.
I'm pushing my parents and my boyfriend away, and I seem to be slipping deeper and deeper into this void of hopelessness, that I don't understand...
Am I depressed?
I don't know what I'm doing with myself anymore. I should be at school, but I get to going, and half of me really wants to, and the other half is screaming at me not to bother...even though I'll use up more calories being at school than if I sit at home and work all day (and I do work at home, that's the weird thing), which I thought should bother me.
I really need someone to tell me what's up with me, even little things like someone else doing the washing up is enough to send me mad.
Oh yes, and I'm not sleeping.
Help!
G*e*m

LilyElise · 04-30-2001, 06:49 PM

It's really stressful to leave the place where you were recieving treatment, especially if this is your first time. I lost weight too when I first came out, but I did gain some later.
Your body is going through a lot of changes addapting to getting enough nutrients again and I know that made me feel really stressed too. Emotionally you're learning a new way of coping with your problems than not eating and it'll be hard for awhile, but you can do it.
Don't lose hope. You're on the road to getting better. It will take a while but don't give up when you've crossed the biggest hurdle~getting help. You do sound depressed to me. I know that my Dr. prescribed anti-depressants for me at one time and they helped a lot.
Cleaning is a thing for a lot of anorexics b/c we like the control. I know that if anything is moved in my apartment even two books switched on a shelf I can tell and it drives me nuts!! I think getting out would help you though.College is one of the things that gets me motivated to get up in the morning. Do you enjoy any of your classes?
I wish you the best of luck.
Lily