How can I..... - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Running Queen · 05-07-2001, 08:16 AM

Hey everybody! First of all, I want to let you know that I have gained about eight pounds! And I feel so good! I have energy again and my running is really improving!

Here is my question...How can I get that stupid anorexic voice out of my head and not feel guilty when I eat? I still feel like I am going to go out of control and eat everything I see! So the voice inside my head says, "Don't eat that or else that gut of yours is going to get bigger and bigger!"

I am scared because I have screwed up my appitite by not eating for two years and now I can't tell when I am full or hungry. I think that I could honestly eat a whole cake and not feel full. But I don't want to be like that! I feel like I am gaing weight too fast! Sometimes I feel out of control...

But I still want to get better! By no means does this mean that I am going to stop eating! I have already made up my mind, and I am going to get better. I just wish things would be easier. Thanks for any advice you could give me!

Love, Jen

LilBear21 · 05-07-2001, 12:09 PM

Hi Jen,

I have some advice for you, in return for the advice you've given me and all the encouragement you have for others =)

I grew up in a house where we could eat as much of whatever we had in the fridge or cupboard, or whatever, and the reason my parents felt fine with it was because everything in our house was totally healthy. We only had fruits, vegetables, whole wheat everything, tofu, and stuff like that. I think part of the reason I am having so much trouble with my eating is because I am not in that environment (living @ school now), but I remember it felt very very safe. Also, I'm sure you've already looked into it, but you might want to buy a book on eating whole foods, or something like that. I know, deep down inside, that food can be very good for you. Food gives you energy, it can make you calm, it can even help you think better! As for worrying about your gut, I think everyone can relate to that! All these pictures in magazines, on TV, everywhere, and all the pictures are very skinny. I am pretty sure though, that those people aren't eating healthy foods, like I mentioned before. I know you know that eating is good for you, I've heard you say it before, but if you look into this way of life, it will take it all to another level. You will not only be making your body healtier and stronger, but you will help it to work better and it will set your mind at ease.

Now, if only I could follow a bit of my own advice... =)

GOOD LUCK!!!

-LilBear

Tricky · 05-07-2001, 07:45 PM

OH MY GOD! JEN, I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! 8 LBS IS AWESOME! I WISH I COULD HUG YOU!

Ok, got that out of my system! Think of getting the anorexic voice out of your head the same way you think of running -- it takes practice. No one wakes up one morning and runs a 5 min mile. For a while, it will be a daily struggle for you to fight the voice. But, after a while, you'll find that it gets quieter and quieter. I bet you notice the anorexia beginning to lose its grip on you already. Gaining 8 lbs is a great accomplishment. When you start to feel guilty, try and push that feeling away. It is difficult to do, but it will become easier over time. I still get those guilty feelings now and then, but I have become really good at ignoring them. You may experience the guilt (to a degree) for yrs and yrs, but as long as you are in control of it, it can't hurt you.

As far as your appetite goes, that will return to "normal" as well. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. After 2 yrs, your appetite and digestive tract are "screwed up". As you begin to eat "normally" again, your stomach will remember how to handle food. Your mind will remember how it feels to be full. Just keep practicing!