It's all happenned again. - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

deliriouskitten · 05-13-2001, 03:38 PM

Things were going so well too...
I was starting to increase the amounts I ate by gradual bits every day since I came out of hospital...but somehow in the past 3 weeks (don't ask me how, I don't remember or know, it was not a concious thing), I have managed to slip back to my old habits.
I am eating, now, about 650 kcals a day...nowhere near the 300 I was having before, but apparantly still enough to lose me about 0.4kg a week (about 1lb).
I think it has something to do with the fact that I exercise more, in the vain hope that all the weight will go on as muscle, when in fact there's nothing going on at all, and I'm losing it.
To be honest I don't want to lose anymore, and when I've had a 'bad day' (like today/yesterday...only about 500/550 kcals), I feel really guilty, BUT I still, when I'm making meals and regulating what I eat, am determined to get away with as little as possible...and that is bringing me down to about 77lbs now. (36kg)
Dietitian doesn't help (she just shoves numbers at me, I hate talking to her), and therapist things I'm putting weight on...everyone thinks things are getting better, when I know they're not. I want to sort this out on my own, but I need some help from someone. I figured it might be here.
Please please give me some advice?
Thankyou everyone.
G*e*m

LilyElise · 05-13-2001, 07:06 PM

Gem,
When you get out of the hospital it's really hard b/c once your home it's so much easier to get out of the new good habits you've formed at the hospital. Plus at home it's all you and there are no Dr.s looking over your shoulder and suppervising your every meal.
Once your home it's easy to unconciously slip into old routines. Take the same small steps you took in the hospital and keep talking to your therapist and it will help a lot. If you want to put in muscle and not take off weight then try weightlifting. That will add muscle weight. Your muscles can increase in strength 4 times without getting bigger so don't worry about your tummy getting wider.
That's good that you want to gain weight bc that's very important. Keep reminding yourself how much eating will help you gain.Talk honestly with your therapist and let him/her know what's going on so he/she can help. I hate dieticians too!! Don't they realize that looking at numbers are what got us into this in the first place!!!
I'm here anytime.
Lily