Good Day Turned Bad - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Peeka Boo · 05-20-2001, 09:51 PM

Just wanted to post a note to tell everyone I had a really good day today and felt terrific about myself. I went out and ate healthy and regularly and enjoyed a beautiful day with friends. I just wish the day could have stayed that way but I was so happy that when I arrived home this evening I decided to "reward" myself with food and now that I am so full that I am tired I will go to my bed and sleep until I feel better. Why did I do this? Why must I continually sabotage myself like this? I am in complete amazement that I have lasted this long without having a heart attack. I think I have good support and advice for others and yet I can't even control my own body and mind. Sometimes I feel like I am slowly hurting myself on purpose without even knowing it by binging like this. I really want to get better and I really want to feel good inside this skin of mine. Tomorrow is a new day and with all my strength I will forge ahead. I just pray that I make it through without stuffing myself to the brim once again. This disorder is really taking a toll on me and I am exhausted. I hope others on the board had a better outcome today than I did...

Much Thanks for listening!

Peeka Boo

LilBear21 · 05-21-2001, 12:12 PM

PeekaBoo,

I can totally relate to how you feel. Somedays I will do "really well" with eating, and then by the end of the day I feel good about how I did, but then something will come up, like a friend wanting to go have dessert or something, and I will think to myself, it's ok, just this once, because I did well today, and so I go with them and have ice cream or something and it makes me feel like my whole day was a waste! It's sad too, because it seems that when you're trying to fall asleep, all that matters is what you did just before you went to bed, and not the good things you did all day.

Sorry I don't have any advice to make you feel better, but maybe it will help to know that you're not the only one who feels this way! Good luck, and remember, each day is new, and while we cannot undo the past, we can change the future.

-LilBear

Persophone · 05-21-2001, 03:14 PM

Peekaboo,

Try not to beat yourself up too much over one slip up... Sounds like most of the day was great and that is something to be happy about. Every day you get a new chance and tomm is another day... We may all suffer from different types of ED's but I have a feeling we are all VERY hard on ourselves... most people would probably say "oh well, I shouldn't have eaten that or done that" but we tend to dwell on the negative...I know that I am definetly my own worst critic!

and thanks for responding to my post

Rachel

LilyElise · 05-21-2001, 07:13 PM

Peeka Boo,
I'm glad you at least had that part of the day that was good. I don't know why you did it, or why any of us do it. I don't know you well but I think you're good at supporting others too. It's far easier to give advice than to take it~i'm the same way you are. You're exactly right about slowly hurting yourself. That's a great attitude about forging ahead for tomorrow. I think i've said this a lot lately but i'll say it one more time(sorry)~therapy helps!! Have you tried it?
Lily

Peeka Boo · 05-21-2001, 11:02 PM

Thanks to all of you for responding. I know most of us know that things are easier said than done and I believe most of us know what we need to do to get better we just don't know how to use it, especially when we feel out of control. I am very happy I have joined all of you in this forum and can't wait to share with you the day that I fall asleep at night with a tame stomach and a smile on my face.

Peeka Boo (a.k.a. Greg

)