I am definitely not perfect... - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Running Queen · 05-14-2001, 03:46 PM

Hey everybody. Well, today I jumped on the scales and it said 99 pounds. I am so freakin scared now. I feel like I have put on so much weight! I know that it's healthy but I feel like I have lost my abs and gained a gut. I am really struggling with this. I need some help please. Thanks.

Love, Jen

LilyElise · 05-14-2001, 06:41 PM

Jen,
That feeling of gaining weight is scary. 99 pounds isn't bad at all though!! It's great that you're gaining weight,you'll feel better. Try reminding yourself how much you need to gain weight and that it means your getting better.
Lily

Persophone · 05-15-2001, 04:56 AM

Jen,

I am sure that you haven't ... When you look in the mirror try to remember that what you are seeing is not what other people see when they look at you. You see a fat person and they see a thin person.

Keep up the good work

Rachel

CAZ · 05-16-2001, 02:57 AM

Jen I am soooo proud of you, it is brilliant that you have gained the weight that you have, re-read the story that i wrote and use it to inspire you. I know how it feels to have the feeling that great you have lost weight but when you look in the mirror you still see someone fat, but your not!!!!
Always remember that it is the inner voice telling you that you are fat, and its not what others see!!!
Love ya babe
Caz

Jenuine · 05-17-2001, 04:49 PM

Hey Jen,

It's normal for a recovering anorexic to feel what you're going through. It's like you're able to intellectualize that gaining weight is a good accomplishment, but your manipulative, anorexic side says "Hey there! What the heck are you doing?! Stop fattening yourself!" I know how you feel...I felt the EXACT same way as you when I climbed up to 99. But the truth is that its just all part of recovery...you gain a little, but with that comes some anxiety, fear, guilt, and self-defeating thoughts. It's a tedious process, but once you're through, you'll be glad you hung in there. (Kinda like becoming anorexic and weighing nothing...but only thats the slippery, evil anorexic voice speaking =)) Don't expect to be able to gain weight and be proud of every pound you gain...you learned to be proud of every pound you LOST, and now its gonna take some time to unlearn all of that distorted mentality. Plus, although it may seem like you're gaining weight, and its all packing into your gut, you're body's just reall fooling you. Because you're eating a little more, your stomach is gonna stretch a little, and it'll look slightly unproportional to the rest of your skinny body parts. =) (especially to us anorexics!) But just keep in mind that your stomach is only slightly bigger (if any at all which i doubt)because theres food in it...not bc theres fat in it. Anyway, I'm really happy for the progress you've made. Keep up the good work. You'll get there in time...believe me. =)

Love,

Jenuine