control - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Persophone · 05-25-2001, 01:05 PM

when I started my diet I was so in control. I knew exactly how many calories I was going to eat, when I was going to eat them, where and with who. Same for exercise. How many I was burning.....how many times a day I would workout.....and cross them off once accomplished. I felt great. I was in control.

I am so NOT in control anymore..... my eating disorder (yes, I guess I really do have one)is the one in control. It is very scary to realize that you have lost control. I have lost control.

Rachel

LilBear21 · 05-25-2001, 04:09 PM

I hate that feeling. I like to control the empty feeling in my stomach and I hate it when I can't. I hate feeling like my needs (food) are controlling my actions (eating). Does that make any sense?

Emilia · 05-25-2001, 05:49 PM

Do not feel bad about eating pasta for breakfast, that is a healthy choice! Carbs for energy and maybe if you used sauce or cheese, a little fat to sustain the energy. I am not bulimic, but I have binged before. Try to think that it was only one time, and it won't really affect you, since you've been eating so little everyday your body probably needs those extra calories.
Emilia

Emilia · 05-25-2001, 05:52 PM

I am sorry Per. I meant to respond to a different message! but instead posted here...anyway, I know what you are going through about feeling out of control. After being anorexic for a year and sooo in control of my food I lost control and had a binge period. Luckily it didn't last too long for me, but it made me realize i was depriving my body of food and this was a sign it wanted to be fed. So i became healthier, added more fat and calories into my diet. I am still obsessed with calories and planning out my food, but I guess I look healthier. This is just a step in the process of recovery, dont worry
Emilia

Persophone · 05-26-2001, 06:57 AM

Thanks Emilia.... Right now I am torn between wanting to feel better, get better etc. but I still don't want to gain any weight back! (in fact I still have 5 to lose...Arrrghh)

Rachel