Help. - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

jade0605 · 05-23-2001, 12:47 PM

I have had annorexia in and off for 15 years. I am on 30mg celexa to cope with depression, but the ED is back. I am barely eating enough to survive. I know that I am thin, and that I am damaging myself, but it doesn't make me want to eat. I can even cook for my son anymore. My mom is great she feeds him. But that should be my job. I am so scared. I dont know whether the depression or the ED came first, but they are both here now. I just feel so alone and scared. I hate this I hate feeling as though I am lossing control. I have no one I can really talk to, no one understamds how I feel, they just say, Eat, as though it is that easy. I dont want to get ill again. please can someone help me.

Thank you
jade

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It takes only one small candle to show you the way. It takes just a kind word to help someone today. Reach out to others, show that you care. For like a burning candle, it may not always be there.

jade0605 · 05-24-2001, 02:22 AM

Someone please respond.

LilyElise · 05-24-2001, 02:08 PM

Jade,
I have anorexia too, so I know a little of what you're dealing with. I know what you mean about knowing how much damage you're doing but still not wanting to stop for some reason. Why can't you cook for your son? The smell? You're right it is scary!!! It's been my experience that depression and ED come together or build together. That's a really bad feeling to feel like you're losing control. You can talk to me

anytime! Please don't be shy.
Lily

jade0605 · 05-25-2001, 09:39 AM

Thank you so much lily.

Emilia · 05-26-2001, 11:43 AM

Dear Jade,
I remember when I was at my worst,I knew I was thin, I knew I was too thin...but I still did not want to gain weight. I would tell myself I have to and I need too, but something inside of me was so scared of getting fat. After a year long struggle, I finally realized that I did not need to be that thin, who was I trying to impress? I had become so thin I no longer wanted to wear shorts or sleeveless tanks for fear of the comments and stares I would get from strangers. I looked like a cancer patient. When I first wanted to slim down it was so I would look good in clothes and a bathing suit. Now I wouldnt even wear a bathing suit because my friends and relatives told me I looked like a skeleton. I had also lost my period and was scared I would damage my organs. I read somewhere online that one possible side effect of anorexia is infertility. When I read that I started to cry. I always dreamed of having children, maybe two or three, and having a happy healthy family. Thats when I decided I needed to get better. Its a hard road to recovery, but it is possible. I regret all the things I missed out on because of my ED but now I try to look to the future instead to all the fun times I will have. Think about your son and your mother, I know you love them very much. They need you, and your body needs you to become healthier. Once you begin to recover, think about all the good times that await in your future for you and your family. Take care,
Emilia