How can I stop???! - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Princessa · 05-27-2001, 02:17 AM

Hello, I'm new and I've read some of your postings. I feel that you people can really understand me

I've been struggling with my ED for about 8 years now. I'm 20 and I've been anorexic for 6 years. Then I started throwing up, first I only purged the low-calorie-food I had been eating. But in january I moved out and I became a bulimic. Every day I bought large amounts of food and binged and purged all day long. I gained a lot of weight, I'm so unhappy and I want to stop - but it's so hard! Every day I do the shopping and every day I HAVE to buy these things like sweets, pizza, McDonalds food and so on. I hate myself SO MUCH for doing it!
I've made a poster and I mark every day I make without bulimia. I want to make it 100 days, if I make it, I will buy two cats, because then I have enough money to buy their food. But after three or four days, I always give up and binge again. I feel that I will never make it - I'm going to a therapy but it doesn't help very much - is there any way out? Today I start again with my healthy-eating-plans - for how long?
I want to study in October, I have to stop it, otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on my subjects. I'm so afraid I'll never make it!

Emilia · 05-27-2001, 01:11 PM

Dear Princessa,
It'ss great that you're going to counseling, that is the first step towards recovery! It's hard to get better on your own, everyone needs some support and help from others. Before you buy all that food, just think about how much money you are wasting, that could go toward buying two cats. (By the way, you setting that goal for yourself with a reward is a great way to motivate yourself!) You also said that all this happened when you moved out. Maybe you weren't ready to move out. It might be better if you lived with others or found a roommate? That might take your mind off of food so you can focus on having fun with out food or studying or anything else. Sometimes I chew and spit out food because there is nothing else to do, and that is always when I'm home alone. I found that the more time I spent with my friends/family and was more social, the less time I spent worrying about my next meal. If you had a pet maybe it would take your mind off of binging and purging. Just keep your goals in mind (to buy your cats and study!) and I think that you will be able to overcome this ED. Like eminemworshiper said above maybe you should tell your parents. They can offer unconditional love and support that you need right now. Take care,
Emilia

LilyElise · 05-27-2001, 09:36 PM

Are you in college? Or do you have a night job so that you are home all day? I have a couple suggestions for you. One thing that I think might work for bulimics is to keep busy so that you're not thinking about food constantly. You're right stopping without coming back to it is one of the hardest things I can think of for anyone to have to do. The idea of rewarding yourself for not purging/binging is a really good one!! I love your cat idea. You're dealing with the symptoms and not the problem so maybe that's why you can't stop. Have you tried therapy? I say is sooooo much but it's really helped me and maybe it would work for you. One more thing~you can make it.
Lily

eminemworshipper · 05-29-2001, 02:04 PM

sorry Princessa...I have had people tell me therpay and conselling (however u spell that damn word!!) is the same....excuse my misjudement!! :-)XXXX