confused - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Ashlee · 09-30-2001, 08:19 AM

Hi. I have no idea why I'm doing this but I have to talk to somebody or I don't know what I'll do but I'm not sure if anybody cares. I am a 16 year old girl from New Zealand and I am so sick and tired of my life. I think I'm fat but I'm so confused that I just don't know anymore. I am 5'8" and weigh 110 pounds. The thing is, I am constantly dieting and exercising which I tell everyone I do for fitness. I don't make friends easily because I am usualy very shy to people in person which is why I am writing in here. I used to be able to talk to my best friend about everything but I just can't do that anymore. She is also very obsessed with her weight and I'm really really sorry to say this, but I can't help thinking I'm in compitition with her. My other best friend was diagnosed with annorexia about a year ago but she's recovering now and she hates us for what we are doing to ourselves. But at other times she talks about her annorexia and says how good it was for her and how she wishes she could get back to that stage again. I really don't know what to do now. I used to be a really good student at school and get above average marks but now I'm just stupid. I'm scared of being a failure in my life. I don't want people to think of me that way. I also sometimes cut myself or hit my head and stuff when I feel really depressed and it makes me feel better. Please help me. I just want someone to talk to that knows how I'm feeling.

fiona · 09-30-2001, 09:02 AM

For support and a few friendly ears, you've come to the right place. Everyone on this board is dealing with eating disorders in some form, and we are more than happy to have you join us! Please don't feel bad or guilty about your behaviour, but know that it is unhealthy. At your height and weight, you are VERY thin (about 30 pounds underweight!!), so you needn't worry about being "fat." I completely understand the whole competetion aspect, too. My best friend has been battling anorexia as long as I have, and I often feel compelled to be thinner than her, or to "beat" her ED. It's a tough road, but none of us have to be alone. Keep posting!

Fiona

rad916 · 09-30-2001, 07:57 PM

I'm recovering from anorexia. I know how it feels to feel the way you do. But please, take it from me, you might feel like nothing matters but being skinny. It's so not true. Please, get help. If you want to talk to someone I'm ALWAYS happy to listen. please, don't feel like you're alone, there are lots of us out there willing to help. please, get help.

Ashlee · 09-30-2001, 10:40 PM

Thankyou both for replying. It's nice to know that some people do care. I'm sorry that you have eating disorders or had them in the past but I don't think that I have one. I just diet a bit so no, I don't want to get any help because I am not unhealthy anyway. Thanks again for replying.

rad916 · 10-01-2001, 11:33 AM

you know that what you're saying is not true. Think about it, if you didn't think you were unhealthy, you wouldn't have written to begin with. And as much as you might not want to hear this, you weight compared to your height is not healthy. I don't even know you but I already care about you because I really know what you're going thru. It took me three years to be able to admit to myself that I needed help. In that time I killed my body. Don't do that to yourself, there are people who can get you help.