in need of empathy - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

rad916 · 10-03-2001, 07:27 PM

ok, so I just found this sight a couple of days ago and im obsessed with it. There are finally people who understand!!! Anyway, Im staring to "recover." So they say. I don't think I ever will personally, but I can at least try. THey put me on a 14-16 hundred calorie diet to gain me some weight. I gained 5 pounds. The problem starts there. I have never felt so fat in my entire life!!!! I'm humongous! And I want to stop eating again right now! My therapist says I can't go past a certain weight. So I can lose a few without getting into trouble. But I don't know how to lost it without starving myself. I thought of using laxatives but here's the question. Can you die from overdose of them??? How do I lose weight so I'm nont a hog anymore?!?!?!?!! Advice and empathy accepted and desired

Ashlee · 10-03-2001, 10:01 PM

rad916, if they put you on a special diet to make you gain weight, then you are obviously not fat. In fact you are probably very very skinny. 5 Pounds is a good start, maybe you should try to put some more on and try to stop worrying about it so much. You will probably start to enjoy life a lot more and be happier.

rad916 · 10-03-2001, 11:41 PM

the prob is that I'm not that skinny. For some reason my dr thinks I should be 112, but I'm only 4"11! So if they keep making me gain that weight, I'll get so fat! I think that if I ever get to 112 I'd die. I can't even imagine being past 100. But they keep making me gain. I'm so scared. Sorry to complain. Just fear of getting fat and maturing!
-Rachel

mertz · 10-03-2001, 11:45 PM

Hi rad916,
Can you believe it, it's 1:25 a.m. I woke up and my mind started racing and couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't get a chance to check in yesterday, so I thought I'd fire up the computer and see what I missed.

As you can see, I too just found this board and I'm a little obsessed with it myself. My problem is that I don't have a lot of time on the days I work to post. But I have 4 days off a week and I'm going to try to spend some time here. You're right, there are people here that understand.

About the laxitives, It's funny you brought that up because I've just started becoming a little curious about using them too. My problem is that I'm a serious binge eater, but I don't purge. So I just keep packing on the pounds. It's horrible and sometimes I wish I could just make myself throw up to get rid of the calories I'm consuming. So... back to the laxitives, I used some about a week ago because I was so constipated from the poor diet. Needless to say, the next day I was running all day. I have Fri. off, so I'm going to use some more Thurs. night. I suppose I shouldn't be saying this, but if I can't bring myself to throw up, maybe this will work.

I can't answer your question about weather using laxitives will make you die, but I know you can become dependant on them and like the purging, it will pay a toll on your body. Maybe someone will answer your question and help us both.

Welcome to the board and I hope to get to know you better. I'm going to do a new post expressing my own difficulties. I hope you'll read it so that you can get to know my problems as well. Maybe we can help each other or at least just offer our support.

I wish you the best in your recovery journey. Oh, and you ARE in recovery. That doesn't mean that you are all better now that they told you that. It just means that you've began the process and you are at your own place with it. About all we can do is keep puting one foot in front of the other and eventually we'll make some type of progress. Even if all we are able to do at first is make little baby steps.

((HUGS))
Cindy

mertz · 10-03-2001, 11:49 PM

Hey again rad916,
It looks like we are both on the board right at the same time. You submitted your reply while I was writing mine. Are you still there? I'm from Michigan, are we on the same time?

Cindy