MaggieB

I just wandered onto this board from another board but reading the messages really struck a cord with me. I had anorexia for about three years and bulimia for 2-3 more years after. I was pretty good at it and managed to be hospitalized for the anorexia when my kidneys started to fail (I also weighed 69 lbs. at 5'3"). That was twenty years ago. I'm now a normal weight (108lbs.), have two children, a lovely husband, and a career as a social worker (ironic). Anorexia has a very strong grip on your mind but it's possible to shake free. Part of it is to think very carefully about who you are trying to hurt (besides yourself). Are your trying to get your parents to notice you? Are your trying to get your friends to notice you? Lots of people will say, "I'm not trying to hurt anyone." You have to realize that anorexia is one of the most visible ways to make yourself heard. You're wasting away in front of someone. Once you have figured out who that person is, recognize that they may never respond to you in the way you want them to. You can't make them. Let it go. There are other people in the world who might give you to type of attention you crave or you may realize that you don't need that kind of attention after all. I tried and tried to get my mum to pay attention to me and take care of me. She's not the nurturing mother type and she never will be. I finally realized that and moved on. It's not easy and I had lots of set backs but it happened. It took about 8 years for my metabolism to get back in the swing of things but now I don't watch what I eat. I'm notorious as the junk food junkie because I love candy so much. If I restrict my eating on a diet, my metabolism shuts down within three days. I know that it's saying, "Oh no, there she goes again." If I don't restrict my eating, I do just fine and stay within a normal range of weight. The odds were against me but I did it and I don't see why anyone else couldn't. I wish all of you good luck. Life sucks as an anorexic. Maggie