Just complaining again - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Ashlee · 10-26-2001, 04:51 AM

Today was the most embarressing day of my life! I had to go and get some blood tests done (not my choice, my mum made me go). I wasn't expecting her to go and do that to me and I had bruises all over my arms from where I had hit myself with a piece of wood when I was upset. The person who did the blood test saw them and started questioning me about them so I lied and said I had been hit with the baseball bat during PE one day. I hope she fell for it, it was really scary to me for someone to be so close to finding out. Anyway, I also got weighed there, and yes, that was embarressing too. She said for me to come back in two weeks so she could weigh me again but I really don't want to go! What should I do? I have to get out of going there somehow, but I don't know how! Talking to my mum wont help, she won't listen to me. To tell you the truth, I'm scared to death of going because she was talking about how the next time I go to see her, in two weeks, she would see about getting me help. I know I said in another post that I wish there was someone to talk to, but I ment without my mother knowing. Apparently, they require one of your parents to come in with you EVERY TIME and I just don't think I could do that.
Sorry to go on about nothing but you guys are the only ones that understand me.
Ashlee

mel333 · 10-26-2001, 09:46 AM

Hi Ashlee,
Can you see a counsillor or psychologist without your mum being involved. Do you think if you were honest about how afraid you are and really talked she might understand. I was terrified of talking to my mum but despite this we really talked and she was just so worried about me, just like your mum might be it may help or try when the time is right. I know that hurting yourself and ED's are linked and I was often tempted to really hurt myself many times. I did used to do some cutting which is in some ways similar to bulimia and I know how out of control it feels as well as such a releive. It's important you talk to someome if not just us here. How are you feeling? Do you feel like hurting yourself because it's easier than talking and expressing your pain and anger with others? I am trying to understand and I don't want to upset you with any questions.I just want to understand more and try to help in some way. Let me know how you are going.
Mel

CloudyDaze · 10-26-2001, 10:08 AM

Ashlee, I know that this seems horrible now. I know the incredibly scared and frantic feeling you have right now. No one will be able to make you feel better about this except for you. One day you will look back and thank your mother so much for taking charge and getting you help. Anorexia is a cry for help, and now you're getting it. Just let this process work its way through and trust that you will be okay. Your mother understands and cares for you much more than you know. She would NEVER abandon you no matter what you told her. She has had her share of embarrassing personal things, I'm sure. There's nothing that you could tell her that would make her think differently of you, think you're wierd, or love you less. Repeat to yourself 'I will be okay. This is only a bump in the road of my life.' And trust that it WILL be okay!!

rad916 · 10-26-2001, 11:46 AM

Ashlee, as much as I hate to see you upset, and I know how embarrassing it is to go thru so many test, I'm SO SO happy for you. You're gonna get better! And it's gonna be great!! But i can't imagine that they would make your mom be in the room when you have therapy-that doesn't make sense, you shouuld check that out. But anyway, I am beyond happy for you cuz it's gonna be great.
luv and luck,

Rachel

Ashlee · 10-26-2001, 05:54 PM

Hi everyone, thanks for all the replies. That was really nice, what all of you said.
Is it not normal that they request your parents to be in the room with you? Because I would really rather not have my mother there but that's what they want.
I hate talking about my feelings with other people so much!! (Not you guys, I mean in person). I don't know if that's why I cut, all I know is I do it when I am really upset and it makes me feel better. But I also know that I can't talk to anyone about it because if they found out, apperantly they can send you down to this hospital in one of the bigger cities here in New Zealand. Even if your parents say no, they can do it anyway. And I don't want to do that.
Thanks for being happy for me, even if I am not happy for myself, it really means a lot.
-Ashlee