fiona

Hi everyone!

I haven't been posting much lately, as things in my life were seemingly on the upswing. I'm trying very hard to eat healthily now, but I have gained weight and it is causing me extreme depression. My boyfriend is being very good about my weight gain, but I know that he can tell I've put some on. And I'm finding that I'm binge eating a lot lately, too. I'm so used to eating so little, that eating a more "normal" amount (aiming for 1000 calories a day) is giving me that feeling of "well, i've ate so much already, might as well just blow it and eat tons of junk food." This, of course, is packing on the pounds and I feel bad about it. I even cut myself last night for the first time in probably over a month. And I hate how my weight gain is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't even want to have sex with him because I'm so ashamed of how fat I am now, I don't want him to see all my flab. I feel very unattractive, I can barely even stand to have him hug me because I'm afraid he can feel my fat through my clothes. i hope things pick up again soon, my brief time with happiness was wondeful. I hope everyone here is doing well, or is at least on the road to feeling well.

Fiona