long post (update) - sorry - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

fiona · 10-28-2001, 05:25 PM

Hi everyone

I don't really have anything new to say, but I haven't posted in a while . . . I've been very depressed for the past five days or so, and the other night I had a terrible episode with my boyfriend. We both had a bit too much to drink at a party, which didn't help my depression out. By the end of the night, I was feeling very suicidal, and my boyfriend was yelling at me for being unreasonable and drinking too much. since that night, we have both apologized, and to my complete surprise he shouldered most of the blame! I had thought it was all my fault, being the worthless cow that I am, but he said he was out of line and he should have talked to me about why i was feeling so bad instead of getting frustrated. Although things are good between us again, I am still feeling low. I have been restricting my eating again (bad I know, but the only way I can deal with things at the moment). And this week I am not going to be seeing my boyfriend hardly at all, and I'm already feeling lonely. I depend on him way too much for my happiness, but I am just incapable of making my own happiness! Anyway, I'll probably be posting a lot this week as I will be feling terrible about being separated from my love . . . hope you all don't mind. How is everyone doing, by the way?

Fiona

Ashlee · 10-28-2001, 06:08 PM

Hi Fiona.
I'm so sorry you're feeling do depressed. I know it's horrible, I haven't exactly been enjoying life either ever since my mum found out about what I was doing. The feeling of worthlesness sucks but remember, you are NOT worthless, and never will be. You don't need to be lonely either, call up some of your friends and go out for the evening, you can still be happy even if your boyfriend isn't around for a while. And of course, post on here! Seriously, if it weren't for you and a few other people on this board, I don't know what I would have done to myself by now.

Good luck with everything. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Ashlee

By the way, did you ever end up going to counceling? Because remember the deal, if I go, you go, and I'm going in a few weeks.

fiona · 10-28-2001, 06:32 PM

Hi Ashlee

Thanks for replying, it's good to hear from you. This is going to sound really pathetic, but I actually don't have anyone else I can call besides my boyfriend. Over the past 5 years, I have pushed EVERYONE away from me, and now I have basically no friends. My boyfriend is my whole life, I don't know what to do when he's not around! Thanks for reminding me about that little deal, by the way, even though you are being forced to hold your end up. I'm going to call around to the free places tomorrow to set something up. We can keep each other posted on how it all goes, okay? I hope you are feeling well!

Fiona

rad916 · 10-28-2001, 06:46 PM

Ashlee and fiona, I'd just like to tell you how proud I am of you guys that you're getting help! Im' so excited for you guys! fill me in, k?
lots and lots of luv and luck,

Rachel

fiona · 10-28-2001, 06:55 PM

Thanks Rachel for the support! It's so good and different to have such unconditional support here.

Fiona