what's the reason behind it all???? - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Legally_Brunette19 · 02-08-2002, 01:10 PM

hello, i haven´t posted in quite sometime, the first time i posted was because i was wondering if i had an ed or not, and i know right now i'm not really into any disease, it's just that i don´t view food the way most people do. I know this is the base of most ed's, and i was just wondering...why do you guys think we can't think of food and behave around it like most people?? sometimes, when i go out, i so wish i could just eat and forget about it being fattening and just enjoy myself like everyone else. sometimes, it's so embarrasing having everyone remark about not eating, even if they have good intentions. I'm not a full blown anorexic for the moment, but i know it's starting, though somedays i do have atleast one regular meal, and i was just wondering how can i get a normal view of food again?? or will i always think of it differently than most people???
thanks guys,
xoxo till next time

Tricky · 02-09-2002, 05:33 PM

I think anyone can become almost "normal" again. I've been recovered for over 4 years now, and I rarely even think about restricting or purging. It took all this time to get to this point though. There are only one or two things that will surely make me think about restricting my diet, one of them is eating with other anorexics. I can't watch someone else do what I used to do.

My first year was hard. It was actual work to resist the temptation to throw up. I had to force myself to eat regular meals, and I never ate things like pizza or peanut butter. My second year was better, but still a little hard. I hated going to the gym b/c it bothered me to see girls who were thinner than me. My third year was better still, although I did purge once which was a weird thing for me to do by that point. By that time I was confident enough to not be bothered by the size of other girls. This is my fourth year and honestly, I rarely even think about going back to my old habits. The one thing I admit is that I still don't read women's magazines. I don't like to see 500 pictures of women whose ribs stick out. I also hate the message they send to women -- I think they are foolish and insulting.

I think anyone can do it, but I won't say that it's a quick trip.

Cheeky Girl · 02-09-2002, 08:54 PM

Don't forget that everyone *thinks* about food, even if it is just to consider what they like the taste of and what they don't! But I know what you mean... How do you get detached from food? How do you not think about it all the time? How do you allow yourself to eat just small amounts of high fat foods that you love? How do you just be okay about it all? I think it helps to not have so much time to think about it! To keep busy and to try to be interested in other things. That sounds really lame, I know, but what I have found is that I don't have TIME for binging and purging anymore! I SLOWLY found other things that I wanted to spend time doing. I knew I needed to spend more time being okay around other people - knowing that I was okay and that I didn't need to feel I wasn't good enough. So, if anyone's therapist is encouraging them to look outside themselves a little more, try it! But, like Tricky, be careful of unhealthy images out there! And go slowly. You will only cause yourself much anxiety by suddenly trying to put yourself in a lot of social situations. I certainly cancelled on my friends plenty of times in the past because I felt so anxious because I "felt fat". Instead of going out, I'd hide at home fasting &/or exercising madly. But little by little, my behaviour and my thoughts became more "normal". It certainly is a long journey but it is well worth it.

Cheeky Girl.