I don't know what is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Micash · 02-19-2002, 07:28 PM

I don't throw up food or anything like that.I do go days and only eat popcorn.My main problem is what I see when I look at myself.My husband tells me I look great, but all I can see se someone FAT.I know I am not ,but I still see it.It is so bad now I won't even have sex with my husband,but maybe 1 a month.I am ashamed at the way I look.He does not see what I do.I am to the point of surgery, it is my only fix.I don't eat much,maybe once a day,but the fat is still there.Can someone help.I cant stand hating myself ,but I do.

cutenbrat · 02-19-2002, 09:53 PM

I am unfornute to be the one to welcome you Micash to our club-the club of eating disorders for it sounds like you have one-it's unforutnate for I wouldn't wish an eating disorder how my best friend or my worst enemy-eating disorders are hell-plan and simple-as my therpist stated today 1 out of 5 anoexrics die(yeah I was paying attention in thearpy but I won't ever admitte to that). Hon the most I can tell you is get yourself help for even if you don't think you have a problem it's obvious you do-there's days(a lot of them lately) were I tell myself that I am the normal one and it's the rest of the world that doesn't have a clue what eating right means-that they don't have a clue what skinny really is-that what I do is normal and what everyone else does isn't-I mean look at any magazine-it adiverties thinness so what's so wrong with achieving it-the thing so wrong is when we, as people with eating disorders, look in the mirror(and for some of us when we look at others) we don't see what is really there-we see ourseleves(and sometimes others) as bigger than what we really (or they really) are and our preception of what is "thin" is actually unhealthy-I am going to stop here for Id on't like admitting to all of this-I pray that you do get some help.
God Bless.

CloudyDaze · 02-20-2002, 04:38 PM

Micash, have you been to counseling? Counseling is probably the best thing you can do. You know that you don't look as bad as you think. Talk to yourself and counter the destructive things that you say to yourself with things that are positive. Even with surgery you won't look the way you want. You were given a body and it's all you get forever, no matter how much you hate or abuse it. You wouldn't believe the peace and freedom allowing yourself to slowly accept your body will bring you. Are you actually overweight? You can get through this. Do it mainly for yourself, but for your husband, too.

Micash · 02-20-2002, 07:55 PM

What is the name for my problem?

Kathrin · 02-22-2002, 07:00 PM

Yes, I would talk to somebody.
Could be an eating disorder or also a body dismorphic disorder, where you think a certain part of you is ugly or deformed, even though it is not.

Kathrin