Stigma

Cloudy, congrats for trying to fight so hard. I think you should give yourself more credit, 'cause every attempt, every day w/o b/p is a step forward... I can really relate to what you're saying about getting depressed even though you haven't binged/purged because that's exactly how I felt after I had the same kind of success with eating. I started to feel really confused and didn't know what the point was but I kept going and was really glad, every time, that I resisted the urge. Eventually, I did have a relapse (I guess they are part of recovery, as long as you don't use them as an excuse and know how to deal with them), but after that it was really difficult to get back on track. Some of the grogginess is physiological, since your body goes into shock when you stop treating it the way you normally do and believe me, the feeling of bloatedness is so normal when you're refeeding your body after having abused it for so long! I know, it's easier said then done, but try to talk to yourself positively, like, "Ok, I am feeling a little bloated now and maybe I even ate a little more than I normally do, but the feeling will go away. I am going to be OK. I will not lose my dignity by binging and throwing up.... Well, those things usually help me get through the rough times, but it takes a lot of focus in order for them to start penetrating through the disordered skull. I really do hope that you are doing well and it sure sounds like you're on the right track. Remember, these feeling we're experiencing are normal (actually, that's just what I talked to my counsellor in therapy today again) and they will go away and dealing with them is an essential part of recovering. Take care!