Feel like giving in - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

annie2 · 07-25-2002, 07:40 AM

Thanks for the replies to my last post. I am going through a hard time. I can't stop feeling like I just want to cry all the time. I don't know what the heck is wrong. Yesterday there was a breakfast for my neighborhood and I didn't feel like anyone would even want me there. I was also ashamed of myself. I feel so fat. My husband and family tell me I am not fat and wonder what is wrong with me. I don't know how much more I can handle.

youneeak · 07-25-2002, 12:16 PM

awww! annie!! I'm so so sorry that you're feeling so fat and depressed all the time. It's the worst place to be. It's ok that you don't know what is wrong. You're allowed to be sad, accepting the fact that being sad is "ok" may help you be less sad in the days to come.

Just remember that your feelings that you're "fat" and that "nobody wants you there" are merely in your head. It's a hard demon to battle, though, I know. (which is why I've been doing it for so long now...) but remember that it's just that...a demon. It's not the truth. You are wanted, and you are needed, and you are loved for who you are. Your husband and family love you. Your friends love you. I'm sure they would want to support you. Have you thought about telling any of them about your ED?

Good luck, hon, and please post as often as you want, I promise there will always be someone around to reply. You are a strong person! You're much stronger than your ED! You can beat the demon!

I just know it!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

annie2 · 07-25-2002, 12:46 PM

Sarah,

Thanks for the reply. I NEVER thought I would find anyone on this earth who could understand my feelings. I started an ED group but couldn't stand it. I fought jealousy over how much thinner some of the girls were then me so I had to quit. My husband knows I have a problem and so do a few select people. Mostly though people see me going up the weight scale and then back down. They don't know anything else. I guess I have the habit of coming across snotty. I am very protective of myself and don't want to get hurt so I won't let anyone near me. I think this board maybe the best thing that has ever come in my life. I feel like I can finally open up and talk about the inside stuff and people won't think I've lost my marbles. THANK YOU!

youneeak · 07-25-2002, 01:55 PM

I agree that this is a GREAT board. It makes ya feel less alone, huh? That's how it's mostly helped me...to know that other people feel the same things I do. I'm sooooo glad to hear that your husband and a few other select people know about what you're going through. Hopefully it makes them a lil' more sensative to your feelings, and in turn makes it easier to deal with. I know it's hard to tell people, it's hard to admidt, and open up such an intimate part of yourself to others. There's a lot of fear involved in that. But just the fact that you've let SOME PEOPLE in is a wonderful thing! I really am truly happy that you have their support!

And for the record, i don't think you've "lost your marbles." And I am glad you have found this board and are willing to open up and share parts of yourself with us here! I hope we can be supportive and loving in your struggle!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

melody · 07-25-2002, 08:50 PM

(((((((((((((((((

Annie

)))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((

Sarah

))))))))))

Just thought I'd give a hug. You are both sweet and will beat this. Annie, you have found a good place with people who understand. There are also a few of us here who don't have the same experience (at least one - me) - but we've dealt with depression and have some love to share. I am sporadic in how many posts I can read and reply to - but I do care. Mel