DON'T GET MAD! - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

youneeak · 07-26-2002, 12:29 PM

Hi everyone,
This post is for everyone who is dealing with a loved one who has an ED...not necessarily for the people with ED's. My biggest advice to anyone who is watching a loved one struggle through an ED is this....
DO NOT GET MAD AT THEM! All my friends are mad at me...they're mad at me, they won't talk to me, they say mean things behind my back that always get back to me. It doesn't help. GRRRRRRRRRR, i am so angry right now, that I don't know what to do! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~sarah~

annie2 · 07-26-2002, 12:50 PM

Sarah,

I know just how you feel. I wish I knew how to help though. I am sorry you're going through a hard time with friends. I hope things get better. You're a great person. You gave me hope when I needed it. I wish I knew what to say to give you the same.

Annie

catgirl · 07-26-2002, 01:27 PM

ok everyone,

Do you want to know why they get mad at you??

I'll tell you why............it's because they are frustrated because they see you slipping away and have tried every trick they know of to convince you that you look fine. You either discount them or argue back with them. I did it too!

They are scared for you and don't know what to do at this point. Think about how you would feel seeing someone you loved and cared for becoming a skeleton before your very eyes that could very well die because of the choices they are making and their eating habit's. You would be frustrated and angry too.

It's not in their power to help you and it frustrates them to no in. The only one that can make a difference is you. Show them you love them and yourself by fighting this disease with all the power you have.

Hope this helps to help you understand where they are coming from. They are not angry at you, per se, they are just frustrated with not knowing what to do.
Cat

melody · 07-26-2002, 05:37 PM

Sarah, I think Catgirl is probably right about the reason for the anger, but I understand your anger in response. What about telling your friends that it doesn't help you when they get angry? If you could give them an idea of what WOULD help you, that might help them. My husband got mad at me a while back because I was really depressed and was letting it keep me from going to work that day. When he got mad, I just got mad too and stayed home all day instead of missing just a few hours in the morning. I think he was mad because he was concerned that I was going to lose my job. He was concerned that I was depressed but didn't know how to help. He felt helpless, etc. Just like Catgirl said. But I finally told him that getting mad did NOT help me. I told him what WOULD help me (being loving, getting up with me in the morning, fixing me coffee) and that's what he's doing now. So if you could think of something that they might do to help, try telling them. Hope you feel better soon. Mel

youneeak · 07-26-2002, 08:14 PM

Thanks for the replies guys! I actually do know why they get mad at me. I have a friend who has had a long hard HARD struggle with severe depression, and I've suffered through similar frustration and anger, only the thing is that I would never ever ever let her know I was upset and angry at her. That solves nothing. I'm such a people-pleaser, and knowing that they're mad at me kills me! It makes me feel HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE. Because they're watching me go through this incredible struggle, and it has to kill them, because they love me so much. They're amazing people, you guys would be utterly amazed at their inner-strength and compassion.

Thanks for the replies, it helped me to remember that they are only angry because they care...sometimes I forget. hehe

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~