On Saturday I had to eat out with my mum so i couldnt skip dinner, i felt guilty and upset and angry with myself, i keep trying to tell myself that eating shouldnt make me feel guilty, but it does i just cant help it. I feel so helpless and all alone, i dotn know why i feel like this.
Plus I had to eat tea, but I made my mum buy me a salad and pasta to go on top of it, so i didnt really feel to bad after that but i felt liek i still neeeded to get it out of me, but i held back the urge to purge and I did i didnt do it, I just sat there depressed all night which made me feel worse.
Sunday was even worse, We went out for a meal at an indian restaurant, it was a buffet and i felt i had to eat or i would feel guilty for not eating cause my dad has spent the money on me. it is just one big guilt trip.
I felt huge after eating it, adn wanted to just throw it all up but i couldnt cause there was nowhere for me to do it.
Life is ****, went to the doctors today, just for a check up and the nurse weighed me and i just thought any minute now she is goin to say u r underweight and i felt scared if she did say that and worried my mum would have to know, but in another sense it would be better if my mum did know cause then it would be out in the open but no she didnt say anything and so i felt worse again cause i wanted her to say i was underweight so i would feel batter about myself,
this is horrible
SAD!!! 
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