Hi, Annie.
I do understand how you feel – but Cutenbrat’s right about this one. Don’t judge yourself on numbers. They’re so inaccurate anyhow – what’s the point on deciding how your day’s going to be just based on those? Besides, numbers are for math... and who wants to worry about math once they’re out of school?!!

I sure don’t!
Perhaps you could try to set a little rule for yourself where you go and do something EACH day that you really enjoy (spending time with your kids, going for a walk, etc), where you FORBID yourself to think about numbers/weight/food. Make that a time where you don’t have to worry about it at all, so that you can just enjoy yourself and almost forget that you are even affected by an eating disorder!
I realise it’ll be difficult to do, but anything’s worth a shot, right? Just give it a go, you never know!
I’m sorry I’m not really sure about what you can do about getting help. Hopefully someone else will have some ideas, and I’ll be sure to think about it for you to see if I can come up with something! Until then, good luck and take care of yourself!
Ashlee