VENT! - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Kathryn04 · 08-10-2002, 09:07 PM

Hey everyone. Volleyball 2-a-days started last monday..and ever since then, I have already lost 10lbs b/c of my lack of eating, and our hard work-outs. Before 2-a-days I weighed 110lbs (I'm 5'11) but, now I'm down to 100lbs. I thought that I would feel better about myself b/c I lost so much weight but, I feel worse. I keep thinkin that since I lost 10lbs that easy then I must be a "slacker" b/c I haven't lost more than that. Last week was the first time I have bienged and I've been doing it since, because my parents have been watching me eat each night. I don't know what to do. My coaches, the athletic trainer and my friends are starting to comment on how skinny I am getting. It felt good AT FIRST when they were saying it but, now they are telling me I am too skinny, and that I look sick. They are beginning to worry. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone! No one knows! I know that if I tell them, then they will make me temporairly stop playing sports..but, I CAN'T not play..I LIVE for sports!!!!! It is everything to me! Lately evreyone has been on my back...we have team dinners everynight after 2-a-days and all my friends literally WATCH me, like a hawk. Then, they follow me to the restrooms afterwards. Soo..I can't starve myself or throw it up..I feel dirty, and fat and nasty b/c this food is just sitting in my stomache. It's disgusting. As soon as I get home, I throw it ALL up. Then, that too makes me feel disgusting. I know this may sound weird...but, I do it b/c it makes me feel in control in the MOST out of control situation. Ahh..thanks for listening to me vent! You guys on here are the best! Thanks for all the help! Always, Kat

youneeak · 08-11-2002, 06:09 PM

Poor kat!!

I know how awful it can get...especially when things start getting worse "I need to lose ANOTHER 10 pounds" or "I'm a slacker becase I haven't lost weight" You're 5'11"?????? and weight 100 pounds????? Oh sweetheart, that's so incredibly thin!!

And like everybody is always here to remind each other, your friends are watching what you eat (and following you to the bathroom) because they care so much about you. They know you need help, even if you're not ready to admidt it yet!

As for feeling control in an out of control situation...I FEEL YA GIRLIE!

I tell people that all the time! It's the ultimate contridiction!!! It's a horrible disorder that I'm growing to hate more and more each day! Please don't let it win! Can you tell anybody? A friend? A doctor? Someone who can help you start to change your thoughts on food, so that you're not disqualified from the team(s) you're on? If you're not yet ready, there will always be people here to listen and understand!!

Good luck, sweetie, and let us know how you're doing tomorrow!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

singingsmiles · 08-11-2002, 09:05 PM

Aw, kat, I'm really sorry to hear that! I hope that you start to feel better and stop binging! I've attempted that and even though I never was able to go through with it, it was the worst feeling for me...I still keep thinking that I should go a puke what I eat! That it'll make me feel better! That I won't feel so fat and like you said, 'i'll feel in control' but see, i don't feel in control! So, i can relate to you so much! Really! I hope things get better for you! Take care of yourself!

And like Sarah said, try to see if you can find a friend who you trust that you can tell about your ED. It's really nice to have someone who can give you a HUGE hug when it's a great day and let you cry on their shoulder, or just to give you a huge hug when you're so happy cuz it's been a great day!

------------------
--katie--

BeautifulinHISeys · 08-17-2002, 09:06 PM

Hey,

Maybe it's just the kind of person that I am (and part of my bulemic problems are due ot wanting attention), but when they follow you to the bathroom doesnt that make you want to throw up even more? I know when my friends do I am like "fine" and the second I am home I throw up just to prove to them that I can. Or even with them there outside the stall it's like "look I cn do this and you can't stop me" (I have yet to actually puke with them around. But I sure want to)

Dear, that is REALLY REALLY thin/light. I dont know what kind of body type you have, but losing more wieght will hurt you and I am sure you are beautiful and would not want to hurt your body. Wieght isn't bad, it's our perception of it. :-) I dunno where that came from but it sounded good.

Love Ya Chica!
Didi