someone please help me - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

lanalane · 12-02-2002, 08:55 PM

hi, i've never posted here before. i'm struggling so much with my weight right now. actually, i've always struggled, but now i'm trying to use more drastic measures to fix it. i've been going a few days without eating, and then when i can't stand it anymore i binge really bad. i've even tried to throw up, but can't. i've had jaw surgery and even trying to purge makes my jaw hurt. but after i've binged so much and haven't been able to purge, i feel horrible about myself. i've had depression for years and my psychiatrist says that the wellbutrin i'm on for depression is also an appetite suppressant and i shouldn't be having problems and should actually be losing weight. somebody please help. i'm really scared and don't know what to do. i know this could be the start of something bad.

katrinae · 12-02-2002, 10:02 PM

Hello
My heart goes out to you. I wish I could just tell you to stop with the eating disordered habits and things would be okay, but I know it isnt that easy.
Try to talk to your psychiatrist, try to stop these thoughts and habits before they become you and you live them everyday and cant escape the hell that it is.
I actually have to get jaw surgery because of having forced myself to throw up so much, I have pushed my jaw and teeth out of alignment.Im sure you wouldnt want to have it a second time.
I wish you the best, I wish I knew what else to say to help you.
kat

youneeak · 12-03-2002, 02:10 PM

Hi lanalane!

Welcome to the boards!! You'll find, as I did, that there are some really amazing people around here. They give so much love and support it's really comforting to know that you're not alone.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with eating. It's such a strong force in life sometimes isn't it? Food, I mean. It seems so natural, so minimal, and yet...there's something about it, that compels us to obsess and harm ourselves over it. It's my best friend and worst enemy all at the same time.

(hehe, I just finished my philosophy paper, so I'm still in the philosophical mood)

Purging is a horrible horrible thing...it causes soooo much pain to those who try and those who succeed in this nasty habit. It becomes more than a habit, it becomes an obsession. The reason you are binging so badly (and feeling the need to purge) is probably because you're starving yourself. Your body needs food to live. It gives you energy, food helps make you YOURSELF. Your poor body is probably in shock from not having food for so long that when you start eating, it just craves more and more.

I'm sorry that you've had jaw surgery, but if it keeps you from purging, this is a good thing. Purging is an awful awful awful thing. (I know, from personal experience, being a hardcore bulimic for long long long time). It hurts so many things inside of you...Right now I have no voice...it's all scratcy and I can hardly talk...this is because of purging. (and I'm a teacher, so this makes it incredibly difficult to face my first grade students and not be able to teach them to my fullest ability because of stupid decisions in regaurds to my ed)

Good luck, hon. You can fight this...food doesn't have to be the beginning and end of everything. FIGHT IT with everything you are. You will succeed, You have the power within you to succeed...I just know it. Look at you, posting, taking the first steps to admidting you have a problem, that you need help. That's great. GOOD LUCK. let us know how you're doing.

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~