Curious?? - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

knockemdead · 04-15-2003, 01:46 PM

Hi guys..I'm relatively new here. I suffered from anorexia around ages 14-15 although it wasn't terribly bad. I would starve myself and only eat bread and water...but never was it drastic. (As if that isnt drastic enough, right?)..But I mean..I never excersized..ever. Normally, if I was incredibly hungry, I'd eat. I never was really thin either. But nevertheless..anorexia was the underlying cause.

Anyhow..I was just curious about bulemia and the differences between that and anorexia? The reason for my anorexia background was to let you guys know for a fact that I don't want "tips" or any of that mess..because I'm at a weight that I'm happy with, and it's been 5 years since I was sick. So I'm good to go.

But..what is purging like? I honestly have a fear of vomiting - being around people vomiting - hearing/seeing it completely grosses me out. Why would someone want to make themselves so sick?? And..since you make yourself vomit a lot, are stomach viruses a plus? I didn't mean for that to sound sarcastic at all either. I could not IMAGINE making myself vomit. My fear of it is so bad that I had to get counseling..and still, that didn't fully help. Do you feel better afterwards?? Can you control how much you throw up?? I just..I don't know guys. I don't see how you could do that to yourselves.

Do you dread doing it or actually look forward to it??

I'd really love some responses on this. And again..I'm not looking for tips AT ALL. I've been through my fair share of eating disorders and believe me, I do not want to go back.

Everyone take care. <3 <3 You're all in my prayers.

KatJ · 04-15-2003, 03:29 PM

Hey!

Well, I am not really sure how to respond to what you wrote. I was like you--anorexic for a year of my life, but then I started to eat--and eat--and eat!! I don't really know how it first started but it did! I just couldn't starve myself anymore! I felt so guilty for eating, and I needed to stop--but I couldn't! I can not remember the first time I threw up, but I started! I can give you answers only from my experience becuase it is different for other bulimics. I hate throwing up--in fact I barely can! It is not just like I eat a ton of food and then throw it up--it takes me hours to get enough of the food up to be satisfied, but then after that my stomach is bloated! I binge sometimes and dont have time to throw up...that is why usually I only binge when I KNOW I will have time to get the food back out! I was always "happy" being anorexic, but for me I really didn't feel like I had a eating problem until I became bulimic. That is the last thing I would like to point out! You kept saying how you couldn't see how we can make ourselfs throw-up--like we are some kind of weirdos! It hurts, and Iam not trying to be mean becuase that is the way most people look at bulimics--as discusting! Anorexia on the other hand always made me feel special...my friends were impressed that I had such "control" over what I ate--people seem to think that anorexics have control, whereas bulimics don't! I know that anorexia is devistating, I was there!!! I cannot really explain how I am bulimic any easier then you can explain how you are anorexic!! I don't know

Love Katie!

[This message has been edited by KatJ (edited 04-15-2003).]

knockemdead · 04-15-2003, 05:57 PM

Awww..I wasn't thinking you guys are weirdos by any means!! Not at all!

I just had a hard time understanding how one could make themselves throw up..because I'm so scared to do it myself. I wasn't trying to point out bulemic people as disgusting or anything either. It's just a disorder, you know? And I know it was hard for me to overcome anorexia..so I know for a fact it has to be much harder to overcome bulemia. But thankyou so much for you reply. You helped me to better understand it..and I'm sorry if my first post offended you in any way, Kat.

I didn't mean to come across like that at all. Take care.

<3 <3

amberlynoel · 04-15-2003, 11:30 PM

Hey!! I'm not to familar with anorexia other than they restrict food for long periods of time. Like Kat wrote earlier I think people seem to find bulemics gross or disgusting I get that alot from people any way. Really no offense taken, because it is disgusting. It's not like you want to purge, it's that you have to ( at least that's how I am) And I do like it (purging) It's releaving to throw up that food especially when you binged (not promoting it). It's like getting rid of all the stress all the things that have gone wrong all day your rid of it.
And then on the other hand it's horrible I hate it, "it" knows no boundries and it owns me. I plan my day around what I can eat and how I can throw it up. So I guess it's like a love/hate realationship. And it's the worst..