i'm in weight range - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

lilrayofhope · 04-28-2003, 10:46 AM

For those that don't know I recently got out of a eating disorder clinic and I'm now in 'recovery'. Well that's what everyone else calls it. I've been in weight range (the healthy weight for my height) for about 3 weeks now and I hate it more and more. I feel so uncomfortable in my skin it sucks. Yet...I don't know what to do. I know what it's like to be full blown in my eating disorder, but I also can't stand living at the weight I'm at. Sure everyone still says I'm skinny, but I sure don't feel it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't use laxatives, purge, or restrict. So am I REALLY in recovery? I don't know. I don't know a lot of things and more importantly I don't know why being healthy is so darn scary. I've gained a total of 30 pounds and I absolutely HATE it. I now have started to cut my arms. I'm not sure why I do that either. I'm on Prozac but I'm not so sure it's working 100%. Hmm...I guess my question is can you still be in recovery and engaging in your eating disorder at the same time?

-Carlie

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"Today doesn't have to be perfect, but there's no reason why tomorrow can't be."

[This message has been edited by lilrayofhope (edited 04-28-2003).]

eminemworshipper · 04-28-2003, 03:18 PM

Oh Carlie ((((HUUUUGE HUGS!!!!)))) it is so so nice to see you again..it haas been such a long time. It makes me so proud when I read that entry over and over coz u have done so so well and u r such a huge inspiration to everyone here. Now that u have come out of the clinic..r u seeing n e body regularly? Please dont cut yourself..it is so much easier said than done (trust me..I have done it and sometimes still want to)..but I wish I hadnt coz I am left with reminders. U really do need to have as much help at hand as possible and u r still vulnerable when coming out of therapy. We r all gonna be here to suppor u ever single step of the way..through your most worst days ever and your really good days..but u need friends and family and other professionals to get u past and beyond these eating problems.

I am sure I speak on behalf of this eating disorders message board when I say

WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:d:d:d:d:d

eminemworshipper · 04-28-2003, 03:19 PM

That was meant to be..doh!!

lilrayofhope · 04-28-2003, 03:25 PM

Thanks SOOO much. After I wrote that I purged.

I was feeling pretty bad but then I read your reply and now I'm in higher spirits. So THANKS. To answer your question, I do see a therapist once a week, a psychiatrist (spelling?) every 3 weeks, and we're in the process of getting a nutritionist and a support group. I think once I get the nutritionist I won't feel as bad. Thanks for hearing me vent!

-Carlie
"Recovery isn't a destination, but a journey"

[This message has been edited by lilrayofhope (edited 04-28-2003).]

youneeak · 04-28-2003, 05:35 PM

CARLIE!!!!!!!

Hi sweetheart!! So good to hear from you!!! And, really, you're doing so great, I'm so happy for you, hon!! I know gaining all that weight is hard, and your mindset still has trouble adjusting, but honey, it's good for you. I know that me saying it doesn't make you believe it. But it's true.

I'm so proud of you that you are getting help for yourself, and that you've been doing well in recovery.

I've also had the same questions about "recovery." I.E. can you be in recovery and still engage in eating disorder behavior. I think the answer is yes, as long as you are attempting to make a change in your behavior, whether your want to or not, you are set in your ways of getting better. I know how hard this is sometimes. I've in "recovery" if you could call it that. Not as long as you have been, I don't think. I'm going on three months. My behaviors have gotten somewhat better, but I've gained tons of weight. So I know how you feel, on some levels.

Just don't give up, hon. It's so so good to see your name in a thread. I come and read up on the threads every day or two, but I rarely post anymore. Time just doesn't allow it most days. But I needed to say hi to you. I've thought about you several times since you've been gone. I pray for you, hon. You've been such a huge help and inspiration to me, much more than you could ever ever know. You truly are a miracle, carlie, please don't give up on yourself. The rest of the world needs more people like you.

Good luck, and I hope things start to get easier. If you ever need to chat, I'm on the boards pretty much everyday. GOOOOOOOOOD LUCK, and keep in touch, honey. You are missed and prayed for when you're not around.

lots of hugs and warm wishes

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~