I need some serious help - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

opeth89 · 05-09-2003, 09:08 PM

I'm 18 years old, and around this time last year I began working out. I was of a healthy weight but wanted to lose 10 or 15 pounds so that I could be in "perfect shape." I exercised a ton and then I realized that in order to lose weight I had to cut calories. I counted obsessively and dropped to a severely dangerous low weight. I ate all the time, but I controlled my calories so much that I kept losing. But I finally decided to put on 5 or 10 pounds to try to keep family and friends from worrying, because they were really scared, even though they knew I wasn't anorexic. But looking back, I'd call it borderline anorexia. Anyway, the 10 lbs. turned to 35, and I'm up to my original weight, if not a little over. I'm still a healthy weight, but I hate the distribution of it,--my stomach is disgusting--and I feel absolutely horrible. I had to stop working out in October because the gym was sold, and I don't like the new one. Oh yeah, I gained most of the weight back in approximately 2 months, and I am still gaining. But I desperately want to lose (yes, those same 10 or 15 pounds, or maybe 20 this time..). But I can't. I've gone from that very strong will power I had last year to no control, and I have binge eating disorder now. When I first started gaining, I ate and ate and ate (carbs--I'm vegan), and it hasn't stopped since. It started around Christmas. I really want to see a professional, but I can't tell anyone about this, I have no money, and I live in the middle of nowhere, so a specialist is out of the question.

What can I do??? I'm so desperate.....sorry this is so long--I wanted to keep it short, but I'm a very thorough person.

RussianPrincessa · 05-09-2003, 11:05 PM

Hi sweetie

.
My friend is having a bad case of eating disorder right now, that I just recently found out about. So, I've been recommended a good book that has helped another person I know.
The book is by Geneen Roth "Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating"
I've actually purchased this book on **** (just type the authors name in the search option)..I will start reading it as soon as I get it, so I can help my friend. You may want to look there, I think it cost me like 2 dollars.
Eating disorder is a horrible disease, and I really hope you get through it.
Best to you,

Nika.

[This message has been edited by RussianPrincessa (edited 05-10-2003).]

michellina · 05-10-2003, 03:19 AM

YES!!! Buy this book! That's so weird that RussianPrincessa mentioned it. It's an excellent book. I'm reading it right now and I'm almost finished. I can't put it down. It speaks to me and is helping me in a huge way. I bought it at a secondhand bookstore for $2. The author is so smart about why we do this to ourselves. I thought I knew why I was bulemic and weight-obsessed, but she's shown me a whole bunch of other reasons that have nothing to do with weight and food that I'm able to deal with separately and which results in me needing and wanting less food. I totally feel your pain. My condition was getting way out of control when I decided just a week ago that I needed to start taking some serious steps toward getting healthy, both physically and emotionally. I also feel I can't tell anyone and have to deal with this on my own. This book has been a huge support and like a guide. Please read it if you can and I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. I already feel healthier. Best of luck, and don't be too hard on yourself.

opeth89 · 05-10-2003, 10:54 AM

Thank you both for the suggestion about the book. You've really compelled me to want to buy it. I'll just have to think of a lie to tell my mom about what I'm buying. (I'll have to use her credit card.) I'm going to check Amazon right now. One question though: does the book address the issue of various eating disorders, like, well like my case of going from (near) anorexia to binge eating? Because I know this is a very common problem, but I want to better understand it...thanks again.

RussianPrincessa · 05-10-2003, 12:36 PM

Hello again

.

I would really like to help in any way I can. Its a horrible disease, and I wish it could be stopped, but if helping can change one persons life, then it would make me so happy.
please don't hesitate to ask me any questions,

Veranika (Nika).

[Please do not share contact information of any sort INCLUDING e-mail addresses. Thank you!

Zesty]

[This message has been edited by Zesty (edited 05-12-2003).]