I am so angry at food! - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

cntglover · 05-10-2003, 04:06 PM

Well, thanks to all who are hear reading this and offering kind words of wisdom and advice! I am so upset! I hate this disease, disorder what ever you want to call it! I just got through fixing my families dinner and since my problem is bingeing I have tried to control my food intake and eat properly and healthy. Well, that did not work! I did eat my healthy portion of dinner but then I had what my family didn't eat. I mean I ate thier leftovers! Is that not so disgusting! Then, knowing I should not do it and if I did would feel even worse, I baked a batch of cookies and down the hatch they all went. The sad part of it is my 11 year old daughter came in the kitchen and asked me where were the cookies I had JUST made. I lied to her! I told her I ruined them and I would make some more tomorrow! What happens when I do make them tomorrow!???????

[This message has been edited by Zesty (edited 05-10-2003).]

lilrayofhope · 05-10-2003, 06:21 PM

I'm SO sorry you're having to struggle so much. I think it's even more difficult when you're worried about your family as well. You're not disgusting for what you did. It's your eating disorder that ate the leftovers...it's that part of you that did it. Try not to beat yourself up over it too much. Some days will be rougher than others, but you know what? You did the best thing you could by posting. Some times we just need to vent and let out our feelings, ya know? Do you journal? If not, I highly recommend it. It's a great tool to use for those rough times. I'm not sure what you can do about the cookies and not bingeing on them again. Would having your daughter help make them help? Maybe have someone else in the kitchen with you to distract you? Or what about chewing some gum when you're taking the cookies out to be cooled? Does anyone know about your eating disorder that maybe you can could tell 'hey, I'm having a rough time right now'? I hope this helped. Remember, we're always here for ya!

-Carlie

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Scales are for fish.

[This message has been edited by lilrayofhope (edited 05-10-2003).]

youneeak · 05-10-2003, 08:19 PM

AWWW! honey!!

((((((( HUGS ))))))))

First of all, what you did is NOT disgusting. like Carlie said, it wasn't you. It was your eating disorder. And that's ok. It's ok to have slip ups. Try not to get too down on yourself for it, it happens to everyone. ALL OF US. We know how you're feeling. And we know how easy it is to get upset with yourself, but remember, there's a disorder that's affecting you. This isn't how you would normally treat food. And, don't give up, because you can beat this. YOU CAN. And remember, you're a beautiful person, no matter what happens.

I agree with Carlie's advice on asking someone who knows about your ED for help. Telling them that you are having a really rough time right now. I'm sure that they want to help you. We're all pulling for you, hon.

Anytime you need to vent, feel free. I'm gonna try and make it a point to come around the boards more often, and I'm sure if I'm not around there's someone else here to listen and to be supportive. You're an amazing person and I believe in you!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

cntglover · 05-12-2003, 03:10 PM

Thumbs up to all who have read and responded to my post! It is such a great help to read everyones kind thoughts and words of advice! I think you both are right and I do need to talk to my family more than I have. I really don't think I have stressed to them enough about how I am feeling and how bad this thing has gotten! I feel pretty good sometin=mes and think I have a hold on it but, well you guys know! All of a sudden BAM! it starts all over again! My husband, whom I am so greatful to have and who is so understanding, tries to understand to best of his ability! He has some matabolism that is unbelieveable and has always eat like a pig and never gained an ounce. So it is difficult for him if I try to be concious about food and eat the "right way"! But I think I have not really talked to him and the rest of my family about how serious this has really gotten. And just last week I started keeping a journal on my eating habits, feelings, thoughts and so on so I think maybe I can look back and learn and get some help jsut by reasing it to myself and maybe lettng my family read some of it too will help them to understand just how I do feel!
Thanks again to everyone and GOD BLESS!

KatJ · 05-13-2003, 10:28 PM

Hey!! I just read your post and I wanted to let you know that I know how you feel!! I often times feel that I am soooooooo gross, and that my friends and family think I am a freak! The truth is that EDs do take over your life and it is a battle to fix them, but you have done the right step by noticing that you have a problem!! I lie to my family too when they ask where say the cake went or the ice cream...it is sad but I don't want them to think ill of me!! Try the journal idia, or even post what you have eaten on the fridge...I use to do this so that I knew others were looking at how I was eating...It works good--iff you tell the truth) I noticed you never mentioned purging...I hope that you don't do that too becuase while binging is depressing--purging just makes the feelings worse!!

Love Katie