pregnancy scare - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

youneeak · 05-11-2003, 06:12 PM

Hi everyone!

Ugggh, I feel like, "here we go again." About 6 months ago I feared pregnancy. But all turned out ok. You would think that I would have learned my lesson...but no.

I continue having sex with my boyfriend, because we're in love, and honestly, I don't think I have to justify that. I'm old enough to make adult decisions. And we are as safe as we can be. WE use protection, EVERY TIME without fail. However, I am not on the pill. I want to be, but with my bulimia still so sporatic, I'm afraid that one day I'll take it, then b/p and it will do no good. And my insurance doesn't pay for the otehr forms of birth control.

Anyway, I'm late. Not terribly, yet, but late enough to be worried. And I have other "early warning signs" as well. Honestly, i'm scared out of my mind. And not for the reasons I should be. I'm scared that I'm not gonna be able to stop purging if I am pregnant. Since I suspected I was pregnant, I've stopped, but it's been so much harder than I ever thought. I was in recovery for 3 whole months, and then when I slipped up again, it's been nearly impossible to keep my food down. It's only been a few days of not purging, and it's killing me. The temptation is there. I'm so scared.

I can not hurt this child (if, of course, there is a child to be concerned with). Ugggggh! I hate this. I have pizza downstairs, and I can smell it. I want to go eat, but know that if I do, i'll purge. I can't keep killing myself or this maybe-baby. It deserves better.

Keep me in your prayers, and with any luck I'll start tomorrow...

I'm so so sorry to be annoying, but I don't have anywhere else to go with these fears.

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

sleepystar · 05-11-2003, 08:46 PM

Aww hugs hun, itsa difficult sitation, your in my thoughts and i am wishing all the bsst for you, keep us posted xxx

lilrayofhope · 05-12-2003, 11:09 AM

(((((((((Sarah))))))))))

I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now. The thought of having a baby I'm sure is terrifying. But just think...you're doing something to help yourself right now by not purging. Even if its an hour, a day, or week. You're beating the temptation and that is awesome! Just remember that purging can really throw off your menstraul cycle. Maybe you're just late this month. You're in my prayers.

-Carlie

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Scales are for fish.

youneeak · 05-12-2003, 01:54 PM

Hi Carlie,

Thank you for your prayers and kind words. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm sure I'm just late, I'm just not used to this anymore, because I've been doing so well with recovery that my cycle was regulating itself, but the last few weeks were bad...which I'm sure is the cause. Plus, I know worrying about it can just delay my cycle more...

I'm scared, and pray to God it's just a late month. Plus I'm not that late yet anyway. Not quite a week. At a week, I'll be nervous...at a week I'll buy the test to check. Until then, I'm trying to eat healthy and fight the desire to purge or starve...

NEVER GIVE UP!!!!
~sarah~

cntglover · 05-12-2003, 03:24 PM

Sarah, I hope this helps to know that you are in my thoughts and I hope that everything works out for you. You should be proud that you ahve found the courage to not purge and eat properly for as long as you have! That is a big acomplishment and I for one, along with many others on this board I am sure, are extremly proud of you! I can say from experience that worring and bueing upset about things will cause you to be late, too! So good lucky, sweetie!
Tracie