Still Fighting... - Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

KatJ · 05-06-2003, 08:33 PM

Hey all! It has been a while since I wrote a post becasue I am in my last week of school, so I am pretty busy with finals and all! I wish that I could say that I have been doing to with my Bulimia...but I haven't! I had probably the worst day ever with my bulimia on Saturday, and I have been bulimic for two years! I used laxatives for the first time...I was soooooooo ill! I decided then and there that I was commiting myself if it happened again, and then the next day I had problems with it!!! Why do I keep doing this? I start back to my counsling as soon as I am done with school and go back home...I havn't had problems today, but I just seem to be getting worse and worse! I am so scared! I was so sick on Sunday, but I still binged! I NEED HELP! Any suggestions? Love Katie

youneeak · 05-10-2003, 01:39 PM

Hi Katie,

Sorry it took me so many days to reply. I've been taking finals too.

It is good to hear that you will be starting back to counseling when you go home! That should be a good thing!!

Also, have you continued to use laxatives? Maybe if you throw them away, and keep them out of your reach, the urge will be easier to control. I've tried that before. Where I've done something to eliminate the opportunity to purge (in one way or another) and whereas it doesn't take away the desire completely, and it's incredibly hard for the first few days, it does get easier with time.

I hope all is well, and possibly, you've been having so many bad bad days because of the stress level. Final weeks of school can be chaotic.

Good luck hon, hope you're feeling better!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

KatJ · 05-13-2003, 10:12 PM

Thanks for the advice!! I have been doing better...but I went out for ice cream with my friends tonight to get away from school, and I threw up some...I really couldn't get much alone time!! This worries me becuase I use to be able to eat without the "need to purge", I mean I hadn't bienged I had just ate a food that wasn't "safe"! I use to hate being bulimic, but lately it seems like I feel in control, which is completly crazy! I hope that getting done with school will help! I just always have that little voice that says Eat Eat Eat, and then throw it up! my parents are real worried about me, but I tell them I am doing better...cuz I am somedays! Anyways..Thanks, and I need to realize this is a long hard battle, but that I can beat it!!

Love Katie

[This message has been edited by KatJ (edited 05-14-2003).]

michellina · 05-14-2003, 07:12 AM

Hi Katie,
I was just reading your post and your reply to Sarah's response. I just wanted to tell you that your attitude really encouraged me. Yesterday I had such a great day. I had a great perspective on my disorder and felt strong and in control...and I was really happy with myself for not eating when I wasn't hungry. I felt like I was cured! I started today with the same attitude but it quickly went downhill. At lunch time I binged and didn't have time to purge 'cause I forgot I had to work early today. I was really disappointed but decided it wasn't that big of a deal. But then tonight I didn't even have the urge to binge but I did anyway...I think because I was bored and feeling a little emotional. But I practically made myself start the binge when I didn't even feel like it. I don't know why I do this. Most of the time I'm fighting the urge to binge, but then other times it's like I just don't care and I enjoy pigging out on delicious things. I was feeling terrible, especially since yesterday I felt I was so in control. But after reading your perspective that recovery takes time and that someday I will beat this, I feel like a slip now and then is normal right now while I'm in the early stages of dealing with getting better. Tomorrow will be a better day. It will just take time before there are a lot of good days in a row. So thanks a lot. I feel much better now. Be strong and stay positive...we're gonna beat this!

KatJ · 05-14-2003, 10:40 AM

Michell,

Hey I am glad that my post reached out to you! It really helps me to think positively, but then when I have a bad day I just seem to think negatively!! I have been struggling with EDs since I was a Sophmore in Highschool...I am a Sophmore in college now! I have went for months without trouble and then bam...a bad day!! So I have really tried to think about the good days and not vocus on the bad ones!! It can be really hard, but taking eachday at a time is all we can do!!! Good luck and I hope that the good days come more and more, but just remember EDs are not cured over a one day period!!

Love Katie